Does anyone else cry when they get angry? Or have any other different reactions to anger?

[KhadijaG]

For me, I have different levels of anger with different reactions. Smallest level for I guess I'd call annoyance. After that, I start laughing. Nothing's funny but when I get a little mad at something, I laugh. At some point after that, it turns to laughing and crying. Finally, if I'm pissed off or frustrated, I just burst out crying. It doesn't happen often, but I hate when it does. One time I was arguing with my bf when I started crying so I speed walked to the bathroom and shoved my face in a towel.

I cry when I’m angry and especially if I’m having an argument with Dh. I’m sure it’s to do with my childhood. We were never allowed to “argue” back with my dad and that would be just so frustrating, I’d just run up to my bedroom and burst into tears! So I’ve learnt that frustration/anger equals crying.

I’ve only just worked out his correction and I’m 52.
Could it be something similar for you?

Yep I cry out of frustration when angry or at the injustices of something. Apparently it’s a very common reaction for women according to my counsellor This is because we are raised socially to not be violent (no so hitting or storming off) and so the emotion has to come out another way.

Ideal both men and women need to be taught as children healthy ways to dispel the build up of anger in the moment so we can calmly resolve the issue. It’s a shame schools can teach this to children starting in primary school (or maybe some do).

@Lizzie same! That makes sense to me now (almost 51!!) lol. I didn’t make the connection. But my mum was very much “children should be seen but not heard”. And definitely could not argue back. Or even explain! Plus my mum was physically punitive, so I would hold the anger & tears in til she had stopped.

Yes, and I wish I didn't. I'm not much of a yeller and I also think a lot of it for me is caused by the fact that I will just tolerate a certain level of behaviour from someone for too long, then just lose it.
The way that the person you are arguing with reacts when you cry is a huge indicator of how they are as a person. Hopefully, if they knew you were crying because of them, they would be more sympathetic.

I never really argued back much either, it was considered "attitude." (But to be fair, most of it probably was in some respects).

You sound like me. I do the laughing thing. I am trying to stop it though. Because So does it and I realised how annoying and hurtful it is when arguing with a loved one. I still do it at work. It helps me stay calm.

The crying thing, is what I also did. It more came from not feeling like could handle the situation and feeling trapped. I never used to speak up.

I only broke the habit by forcing myself to remain calm and of I couldn't, I would put a hold on it and walk away until I had calmed down and then come back to the situation. When I am angry, I refuse to speak until I have take a minute or so to decide what to say. At work I tend to take a deep breath, have a drink then start speaking. I try not to show anger, during the exchange, anymore. Because I don't think it helps. Appearing to remain calm seems to be a far more effective route. People don't seem to know how to react when I remain calm.

I then tend to rant when I am on my own.

I have a rant and raise my voice when I'm angry and then I cry. In the last week I've been trying to manage my anger better, started keeping a record of things that made me angry and how I reacted. Like bin men didn't collect our recycling bin, I accepted it was our fault for using bin bags and hasn't thought about it since (instead of losing it with someone).

Really interesting thing I read is that the way we manage anger influences the outcome we want from the other person. So if I cried through anger at work they would likely send me off to HR or similar and my point would be lost. If I raise my voice with anyone they stop listening so even if my point was valid it's now lost.

Every single person experiences anger. Have a look at some of the apps. Holding it in doesn't help either.

I never cry out of sadness only anger and also if I'm frustrated for example I was doing a maths assessment for work which was fine until it got to algebra questions. I have no idea how to work out the volume of a can using a certain equation and the whole thing might as well have been written in another language. I felt so stupid and ended up so frustrated I cried. I ended up having to guess the answer and seeing the next question was an even longer one nearly turned me into a complete blubbering mess. I was so glad I was doing it at home.

I do the crying thing. I get so frustrated when angry and find it hard to articulate my thoughts then I cry. It is so annoying. Luckily it takes a lot to get me angry.

Dusty, glad you’ve made the connection now!

Knowing where it comes from has made me cry a lot less. I recognise that my Dh isn’tmy dad. He wants to “discuss” the issues with me, he’s not trying to shut down the argument, so after a few deep breathes, I immediately feel calmer and can stop the crying.

Yes, I cry when angry. Also, my nose runs when I'm angry and can't express it, I just have to keep blowing my nose.

@Happilyacceptingcookies

Really interesting thing I read is that the way we manage anger influences the outcome we want from the other person. So if I cried through anger at work they would likely send me off to HR or similar and my point would be lost. If I raise my voice with anyone they stop listening so even if my point was valid it's now lost.

This is a really interesting point and worth pointing out to kids. I used to do the whole "angry cry" thing into my 20s because I had been told it was not okay to feel my feelings. It was OK for me to be sad (although it was "silly") but expressing my anger was a Bad Thing.

notthefordtype

Yes you're right, children should know this! I wish I had known it, feel stupid for not realising that I can't articulate a sensible point while shouting or crying. I try to tell my daughter that when she shouts at me I can't hear what she is saying....she looks confused when I say that!

I cry when angry, but I think with me it's a mixture of frustration and nerves. It seems to be more when I'm angry but nervous of the outcome, so in confrontation when I feel I have to justify myself, I cry. it's awful, I feel like I must look pathetic!

LizzieSiddal - same for me. I hated crying when it was anger, made me feel so stupid. It's an inbuilt reaction for me so I have to fight to stop it! My Dads rules and opinions were the only ones allowed to be voiced. I only stood up to him for the first time when I was nearly 40!

Basically any heightened emotion for me results in crying :( it’s very difficult and embarrassing. I’m trying to work on it as I feel it makes me look very childish.

I do I shake to. Its really annoying when trying to get your point accross. Has anyone sucessfully managed to stop it from happening? As its like reflex i cant control it

I found this helpful

www.apa.org/topics/anger/control.aspx

I collapse, its really annoying. One minute I'm telling the kids off or having a discussion with dh and then I'm on the floor. It's really annoying when it happens at work. Due to underlying health issues but still frustrating

Probably the same. Growing up, anything I said was considered talking back so a lot of things I just kept to myself. Besides silly arguments, I've had two that I ended up crying in. Both were similar in that I kept getting cut off which really started the argument in the first place. I guess I get frustrated because it's like when I was growing up, not getting a single word in and not being listened to. I listen to what they said but as soon as I say something, I get cut off. It's like shush for a second and let me speak. But by that point, I'm so overwhelmed with supercharged emotion that I can barely articulate any of my thoughts properly