NCed for this. Apologies in advance for the huge long mess that's coming, my head is all over the place at the moment. I've summarised at the end.
A few years ago (late 2015), a friend of mine drunkenly confessed his love for me. It was completely unexpected but I guess kind of welcomed. He lives in another country and we rarely see each other. For a while we talked as if we'd work things out and we basically became a couple, though never actually made it official, and talked for hours each day. Things slowed down after a few months and we were more than friends but not really together (if that makes sense) for a while.
We met up a couple of times, but eventually it all fizzled out. Distance, I guess. We barely spoke during the whole of 2017 and 2018 - probably 5 conversations during this whole time, all of which lasted less than 10 minutes texting. Occasionally I'd text him but he'd never reply.
Somehow we got talking again around November, though he's always been crap at replying - normally takes him days to reply and he claims he's just really busy all the time. That's if he replied at all. I basically feel like I'm annoying him every time we talk.
I eventually sent him a message to say I was confused about everything that happened between us and that I was just going to leave him alone as he basically ignored me for the last few years. He replied to say that he wants to be friends, but that we'd never work as a couple due to distance and that he'd decided to just pretend like nothing happened and move on. I thought okay, I can handle that. I'd rather have him as a friend than completely lose him.
No more talking over Christmas, New Year etc. Then around two weeks ago, he drunk texts me "I want you". I just replied like "haha you're drunk stop being silly" but somehow we got onto the topic of whether people have soulmates. He then says "maybe you're my soulmate" and mentions how I'll be the bride at his wedding. I have no clue if this was all serious. I confronted him about ignoring me and then saying this, he said he 'gave me space' for the last few years as he was scared of and confused about us? He said we're not 'real' enough - I think referring to how we don't meet up often and were never an official couple. He disappears off to sleep after that.
The next day, I messaged him to say I'm fed up of it all and that I think he's treating me badly. He replies to say that he's sorry, he was drunk but doesn't see any other issues. I've texted him twice over the last 10 days, he's read both and ignored them. I have no idea what he actually thinks of me or what he wants from me.
I've tried telling him that I'm not happy with the way things are and I feel like he doesn't care, but he never seems to really understand what I'm saying. He keeps saying he'll call but never does. I really assumed he didn't care about me anymore until I got those drunk messages earlier this month. But I can't figure out if he was joking/messing me around, or if his drunk mind was telling me that he still thinks about us.
I tried to forget about him but I just can't - I'm reading his messages constantly, trying to figure out what he means by every single word. I'm keeping myself busy but I fall asleep every night thinking of him. I think maybe it's time to move on, but I can't seem to let go and that last drunk chat has really messed with my head. I really do want him in my life, whether as a friend or more than that, but I can't cope with the way he treats me at the moment.
What the fuck do I do? I don't know whether to laugh or cry, I feel so pathetic!
In short had an on/off history with this guy, mostly texts/calls as he lives far away. Eventually fizzled out and he ignored me for the best part of 2 years. Had it out with him in December and he said he moved on and I should do the same. Then a fortnight ago he texts me drunk saying he wants me and I "might be the one" but that he's scared. He's been ignoring me since. Not sure whether to try getting through to him again and seeing what he truly thinks/wants, or to just move on with my life. Either way, can't seem to forget him now and he's on my mind all day.