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Relationships

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Original poster

Asking friend to move out

21 replies

Sammiejo12 · 21/01/2019 18:04

Evening MN

I have a close friend who rents my two bed annex off me with her boyfriend (who is a complete tool). I only charge them rent of 200/month to cover bills in order to help my friend get back on her feet after a year of racking up debits.

The boyfriend has, while he's been living with her, lost his job, continuously not had enough money to pay his share and been genuinely a waste of space by not pulling his weight. My friend does everything for him as if she were his mother. They've run out of oil and neither of them have the Money to buy anymore... Anyway... I need the space back for an office for a new business venture but I am really worried about giving them notice as I know neither of them have any money to afford to even rent anywhere.

The alternative is for them to move back to their parents house, and although this sounds perfectly reasonable I know home life for my friend was difficult so I'm dreading putting her in that situation. I have always been clear that I could only rent the space until this new venture is up and running which is now imminent.

How do I address the situation, the relationship has changed since the boyfriend has been on board anyway and I really begrudge helping him out in anyway.

OP posts:

YetAnotherUser · 21/01/2019 18:11

How do I address the situation

With honesty and clarity.

"Hi friend, I'm afraid I'm going to have to give you notice to quit the Annex by X date. I need the space for my new business venture. If you need a reference for your future housing feel free to put me down for it."

Original poster

Sammiejo12 · 21/01/2019 19:27

That's good wording, I think if it was just her still then I would try and work it so she could stay but honestly he's a pain in the backside and had made it very difficult for us to be friends still.

I'm dreading the day I've got to say something. 😩

OP posts:

MrsMoastyToasty · 21/01/2019 19:31

You have to act like a landlord and not as a friend.

another20 · 21/01/2019 19:45

Do it ASAP - even if you dont need it back immediately - then it will be off your worry list and give them max time to find something else. Maybe your DF might take this opportunity to move on from him.

BumbleBeee69 · 21/01/2019 19:51

OP, you have been more than generous and way too kind. Please don't be manipulated or bullied into letting them stay.

chocolatepluswine · 21/01/2019 19:55

I'm with Bumble. Give them a bit extra notice, sure, but you have every right to ask them to move out. It's your space.

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/01/2019 19:58

Good wording from YetAnotherUser, go with that, do it ASAP and don’t get into a discussion about it. You’ve gone above and beyond. She’s not using this rare opportunity to save up. Nothing will change. It’s your space and you need it back.

Porridgeoat · 21/01/2019 20:05

It’s been great having you here for the year. My business is almost ready to move into the premises. Wanted to give a good amount of notice. I need the space from March 20th.

Ethel36 · 21/01/2019 20:06

Just send a message now and give them 30 days notice. Otherwise they will always be living there!

Original poster

Sammiejo12 · 21/01/2019 20:09

Yes I know you're all right, I just am worried that it will affect our friendship, even more so than it has already with the delightful leech she's managed to attract.

He really is a free loader, god help him when he has to pay an actual rent and live in the real world.

Our friendship has already been tested as I quite stupidly after being poked for a response told the bf he wasn't good enough for my friend... and instead of stepping up to the mark and pulling his finger out he's sulked like a child and made it very difficult for everyone.

I'll draft a letter tomorrow and give it to her by the end of the week, we don't have a letting agreement or anything it was just to help her out but I don't want her to feel like I'm just chucking her out, even though I would LOVE to tell the bf to leave.

OP posts:

chocolatepluswine · 21/01/2019 20:18

Honestly, if she throws a fit or something when you give her notice after what you've done to help her get back on her feet, then maybe you need to reevaluate the friendship anyway.

I hope it goes well, and you remain friends. You certainly have been a great one for her.

Ethel36 · 23/01/2019 07:26

Any update OP?

PepsiLola · 23/01/2019 07:29

She's a friend, don't send her a letter, talk to her!

BirdieInTheHand · 23/01/2019 07:35

I think you really need to talk to your friend in the first instance- not just hand her a letter.

anniehm · 23/01/2019 08:04

Write it formally but speak to her first (then hand the letter) give 3 months ideally so that they have time reflect what they want to do rather than having to rush.

SimplyPut · 23/01/2019 08:09

Be mindful of damp I the property if they have run out of oil. Perhaps worth investing in some now for short bursts.

stayathomegardener · 23/01/2019 08:24

I'm not sure you should put anything in writing or on text as that may constitute some sort of contract and it sounds like the boyfriend could be hard to evict.

It might be better to be seen to treat it as having had a friend to stay.

Ps I no nothing legally but would just be cautious. Perhaps post in legal?

pissedonatrain · 23/01/2019 09:39

Had the bf always lived there with her or did he come later on?

It sounds like entertaining cocklodgers is her main problem with money and bills.

But still, not your problem. Just talk to her and give notice as you're now needing the space and then follow up with the notice in writing. That's about all you can do.

Katgurl · 23/01/2019 10:14

Talk to her. Tell her you'll put it in writing too but you need her to leave. It's quite handy that you have a legitimate excuse as it sounds like a rubbish situation anyway:

You were doing her a favour and she thanked you by moving her boyfriend in.
He is sulking and making the environment unpleasant.
She still hasn't saved any money.
They have let the oil run out which would cause them to lose their deposit in loads of places.

Get rid before it gets more complicated.

Seaweed42 · 23/01/2019 10:23

Talk to the friend. If you send a letter, and have already had words with her BF then that will come as a cold revenge letter. The friend might see it as 'I hate your BF so I'm kicking both of you out'.
Just leave everything to do with them and their relationship outside the door. Say to her that in around X weeks you will need the flat back, so they need to start looking for somewhere else. Tell her you know it's hard but nothing you can do, as this was always your plan.
In some ways you have enabled the situation by providing a situation where the BF can lie about with very little financial demand on him.
You can help her best by supporting her, not commenting on her choice of partner unless she asks you for advice.
They have parents to go back to, so it's an opportunity for Change for both of them.

NCjustforthisthread · 23/01/2019 11:18

why are you drafting her a letter instead of talking to her?

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