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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Abusive boyfriend, can anybody help?

5 replies

targaryen1 · 21/01/2019 16:02

Hi everybody,

So me and my boyfriend met over a year ago and things moved quite quickly. I was really into him and thought he was great. He's older than me and I saw this as a sure sign he would be mature and reliable. After a while of us seeing each other, I noticed he was excessively jealous keeping a track of who I spoke to, who I was friends with and frequently wanted to go through my phone. Long story short the first incident was he locked me in his car and was screaming at me and threatening me and driving crazily. I reported it to the police after managing to run from the car. Stupidly he contacted me apologising and promising to change and I believed him. It was great again but again it started. Eventually he became physical with me constantly accusing me of cheating when in fact I believe he has cheated on me multiple times. I fell pregnant and then felt as if I couldn't leave him.

He continued to be that way however the further along I got he was amazing. At the birth he was amazing like the perfect partner. After the birth he was lovely but then switched and has been violent again. He lies to me all the time and our son is now 7 weeks old.
I cannot trust him, we live a good 20 mins car ride from family and i don't drive. I feel so stuck. He's horrible to me and everything is on his terms. I don't know what to do or how I could raise my son all alone. I'm staying with him because I feel I have to. It makes me sick to think he's cheating on me also, but everytime I confront him he denies it and gets angry. Anybody been in this situation? What do I do?

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 21/01/2019 16:07

So sorry he is doing this to you.

Please call Women's Aid on 0808 2000 247 (24 hour helpline) they will help you start to make plans. I'm assuming he's isolated you from friends and family?

Do you have anyone you can confide in, in real-life? You and baby are in a very dangerous situation and you need to get out ASAP.

Even if it means someone coming to pick you up and you leaving with nothing more than the clothes you and baby are wearing.

DO NOT TELL HIM OF YOUR PLANS until you are away and safe. You can do this.

bloopertrooper · 21/01/2019 16:52

Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. Please confide in your family, and GreenFingers above gives very good advice.

Don't say anything to him at all, make sure you know where your important documents are, and please get yourself and your baby to safety as soon as possible. Flowers

And if you think he might check your phone or browser history, make sure you delete everything.

Closetbeanmuncher · 21/01/2019 17:13

Do you want your son to grow up thinking it's okay to beat and disrespect women, as that's what's going to happen if you don't leave this situation.

Can any of your family and friends put you up for a short while?

This will escalate I guarantee it, and he's also potentially exposing you to STIs.

He is a predatory parasite who will eventually grind you down to nothing, and they NEVER change.

As for being a single parent....You'll have exactly the same childcare 'workload' you have now but without all the harrowing anxiety and verbal/physical attacks.

DONT SAY A WORD TO HIM just make your exit plan and leave while he's out.

RoseOfSharyn · 21/01/2019 17:14

Speak to your HV or midwife. They will be able to help you. If they offer social services involvement take it and follow their advice. They are there to help you.

As PP have said do not tell him.

I am sorry you are going through this OP. Flowers

TougheningUp · 21/01/2019 18:35

Your life will be so much better once he is out of it.

Don't tell him you're leaving. Get all the support you canyour midwife, health visitor, women's aidand get yourself out without him knowing. You and your baby will be so much happier.

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