Coping with dwindling sex life

[Deprivedandsad]

Been together 30+ years, neither of us had ever had relationships with anyone else...we learned the ropes together! Over the years we have had a sex life that has been up and down, mainly due to outside stresses such as long working hours, contraception issues, small children waking in the night, older children being in the bedroom next door, etc etc. When we have been at it regularly, it's been very satisfying, but to be honest I looked forward to the days when we wouldn't need contraception and didn't have the threat of DC walking in. That time is now here. We have an empty nest, no contraception worries, we both work from home, so the world is our oyster. Only DH is gradually losing his libido. We are now making love twice a month on average. He has had ED problems on and off since turning 40 (49 now) and when this first started I followed all the advice about not putting any pressure on him, not making a big deal out of it etc, to the point where I actually pretended not to be interested at all, and only responded when he made the first move. This has been the case now for the last 8-9 years, me never mentioning it, getting into bed and not showing.any affection in case he feels under pressure to perform, and just being pathetically grateful when we have successful sex. It's like the elephant in the room, I feel like I can't discuss it with him because it will make things worse. When we have talked about it before, he has basically said that it's perfectly normal to be winding down "at our age" (I'm not bloody 70) and he seems happy enough to let it dwindle away. This makes me so sad. We get on well otherwise, so I wouldn't want to split over it, but the thought that my sex life is in its twilight years already is just depressing. Also, the only time we are affectionate is during sex, he just isn't the naturally affectionate type and I'm scared to show any in case he thinks I'm coming on to him. Any thoughts?

If he drinks a lot of beer and has a carb heavy diet he could be losing testosterone very quickly

I think you have this backwards. The very limited research on dietary carbohydrates and testosterone levels suggests that low carb intake depresses testosterone levels.

Influence of dietary carbohydrate intake on the free testosterone: cortisol ratio responses to short-term intensive exercise training.

Low cholesterol levels can lead to low T because cholesterol is a basic chemical building block for most hormones, including T. Sleep disruptions can cause it as well. Men make most of their testosterone while asleep, so short or low quality sleep can mean reduced T production.

Oh that's interesting ...I'd read before that lagers and beers in particular have an estrogenic effect in many men ..moobs a common side effect ..and belly fat also seems to indicate higher estrogen ..will do some more reading , thanks .

I found what you were referring to:

www.medicaldaily.com/do-hoppy-beers-cause-man-boobs-higher-estrogen-levels-and-brewers-droop-339404

It's not due to carbs, but an estrogenic compound called 8-prenylnaringenin derived from hops. According to this, most beers don't contain a detectable level of it.

montrealgazette.com/opinion/columnists/the-right-chemistry-hops-beer-and-estrogen

If a man has moobs, he needs to lose weight.

I'm hoping he will be willing to see the doctor and not be embarrassed about it.

I can understand why he might, but based on how common it is:

Prevalence of hypogonadism in males aged at least 45 years: the HIM study

It's something his doctor sees on a very regular basis and nothing unusual at all. It's also not because of a poor lifestyle choice or anything he's done. His doctor will be happy to have such a simple diagnosis to make and an effective therapy for it. It's an easy win from his doctor's point of view.

Don't frame it as "fixing" the libido issue, put it too him as something he needs to do to feel better and safeguard his cardiovascular health.