Whats wrong with me/What should i do?

[TwoSidesToAStory]

The story in short:
Me and my partner have been together for 5 years and currently own a house.

2018 was a fairly quiet year for us, not much happened but we still did things.

November 2018 she started talking to a guy online(they spoke a lot often staying up until 3/4/5am)
I told her i wasnt happy with it at all, but this did very little to change how much they spoke.

December 2018 she speaks too me after a work night out and tells me she doesnt see me as a partner anymore but more a friend.

We proceed to work on us as a couple for a week but to no avail. When speaking to her i somewhat broke down and told her she didnt try at all to work it out for us and she agreed. She was still talking a lot to this guy.

We then try to work on us again for a week and things go very well, she spoke to him less and spent more time with me.

The following week things just flipped for no apparent reason and we split up.

2 days later she meets this guy and sleeps with him, she told me she stopped because it wasn't right.

Which brings it onto today, shes in tears apologising that shes made a mistake and wants me back.

I'm left in a scenario where i both want to hate her and never speak to her again, and trying to work things out.

My state of mind right now is that, Every inch of me tells me to leave, forget about her, shes had countless chances to work on us and stop talking to this guy, all to throw a 5 year relationship away in 2 days.

Whats worse is ive always said i dont like you talking to him this much, and i new this would happen, but i kept letting it slide. I feel like such a fool for staying this long.

And now for her to sleep with him and im still here contemplating working it out, ive been played like a fiddle and im still here... i really dont know why.

The 2 days we had apart, there wasnt a minute where i wouldnt think about her, maybe this plays into it?

To top it off i bought an engagement ring a few months ago.

I feel like if this was any normal person they would be done and out the door, whats wrong with me?

Where do i go from here?

She dumped you so she could sleep with him. Do fancy being dumped everytime she wants to shag someone else?

Not only that, but just chatting to this man was more important than your feelings. You told her you were uncomfortable and she carried on ignoring your concerns.

There's nothing wrong with you. You love someone who doesn't love you and doesn't priotise you. You just don't want to throw away 5 years. Breaking up isn't easy.

But, my advice is that you need to end this. She doesn't love you and she doesn't respect you.

I am sorry you are going through this.

So she had an emotional affair.
Didn't give a shit about how it affected you.
Walked all over you.
You were a doormat.
She ended it.
Fucked this guy.
Realised the grass isn't greener.
And now wants you to keep being her doormat.
You know what to do.
She had no respect for you at all.
Time to leave her to it and find someone who will love and respect you and NOT cheat on you!

Thanks for the advice, great start to the year

Keep reading your post as an outsider, would you honestly keep trying?

You need to end it she ended it the minute she started the affair, her behaviour is vile and that is not the actions of a person that loves you.

I’m sorry but she’ll do it again if you continue to have such little self worth.

Dump her, go no contact and seek therapy to help you get over it and build up your self esteem. You're going to feel horrible for months and she will be on your mind for most of it. It will be one of the hardest things you ever go through.

But 6 months from now you'll be in a far better place.

You've had a lucky escape if she can throw everything away so quickly. I know it hurts now but you'll meet someone better.

Pretty scummy behaviour from her.

You’re worth more than this

Please leave her :(
I was where you are 8 years ago and chose to stay with him ... im still here as had kids to him.

However he still treats me like shit if they have no respect for you they never will especially once they have got away with it once.

You seem lovely please just leave while you can and tied down to her.

How old are you if you don't mind me asking.

seems like unanimous advice, which i thought would be the case.

Im 27

One thing i cant explain is my reaction to her telling me, i spent half an hour driving home knowing exactly what had happened without her telling me. I was angry/cross/furious you name it, i fully expected myself to walk out soon as she said it.

And i didnt, i was some what calm... i really dont know why and i sat there and listened. Id love to know the psychology behind that. as it has stumped me since.

I was your partner. A guy I liked from years ago got in contact and we started messaging. The longer the messages went on it became clear to me that I wasn't fully invested in my marriage anymore. Wild horses wouldn't have stopped me. I confessed to my STBX and we split up. The infatuation with the other man eventually stopped (yes we did eventually meet and sleep together) but at no stage did I think I want my DH back. This is where the difference is. Your partner does want you back but can you really trust that is what she wants?
On the plus side, she doesn't seem to have hidden anything from you and I think that that's where your confusion comes from. It's not like you found out about it all by accident and are shocked.
You need some time apart to decide what you both really want. Only you can decide if you can take her back. If she shows that she's genuinely remorseful and has learnt a lesson, then maybe you have a chance. The ball is in your court.

You are more than likely calm just now as your mind processes it.

Eventually will come the feelings of hurt anger and jealousy everytime she is texting someone at night.

It's very hard to get trust back when it has been broken.

She obviously knew you knew so seen no point in hiding it ... i clearly can see you love her now that wont be the case in 5-6 years as it will eventually just come to a head that you've been running about for her with nothing in return. Resentment will kick in trust me on that.

Anyways on a cheery note there are lovely women out there who would snap you up :)

You haven’t really had any time away from her. I would perhaps see if you could spend a couple of weeks on your own and see how you feel.
Fear keeps a lot of people stuck, so you dig your heals in initially and then month:years down the line you realise you were staying for the wrong reasons

No one wants to be left, no one wants someone else to be chosen over them, but pride can work both ways.

Good luck, it’s a tough tough road. But it happened to me at your age and I chose to walk away, spent a whole year utterly devastated, but in reality it was the right choice.

Get shut of her

She's a wrong'un

Get rid of her she is a sleeze & it's not like this was a one off, she was having an emotional affair with him.

2 days later she meets this guy and sleeps with him, she told me she stopped because it wasn't right

Wouldn't believe that for a second. Sounds like he got what he wanted and was finished with her. So she's now trying to spin it that she had an epiphany. It's a script thing cheaters use when the other person dumps them.

Exactly. She slept with him, his interest waned immediately, and she wants your loving comfort. Ugh. Move on OP. Find someone who’s capable of being faithful.

I was with someone for 5 years and grew to feel how your partner did, that I loved him but I wasn't it love anymore how cliche but I just didn't see a future and it didn't feel 'right'. It took me about a year to understand how I really felt and by the time I told him I was absolutely certain. But I'd had a year to process and really, start to heal, but for him it was dropped on him in an instant and he couldn't understand how I came to feel that way because it felt so new to him. The turning point for me was when I started to get on with a colleague a bit too much, I'd never even look at anyone twice if I was in a relationship so something was clearly wrong, that's what gave me the kick to grow up and break up with ex.

What I'm trying to say is I think she's been thinking about this for a while and she wouldn't be going elsewhere if she was devoted and happy. I slept with someone very quickly because I finally felt free. I'm two years into a new relationship now, compactly in love and I know this is the one I'll marry. Let her go op and move on, you'll settle with the right person and feel something more than you do now, and it'll be reciprocated.

Sorry op rubbish situation but she's made your decision for you. I wish you all the best

She sounds quite horrible to be honest.

So she had an emotional affair (online) with this guys which you asked her to stop; she didn't give a shit about your feelings and carried on.

Then she slept with him AND told you about it?

She does not deserve a second chance. Sounds like he may have dumped her, not the other way around and now she's scared of being on her own.

Please draw a line under this and move forwards on your own. You deserve a partner who will treat you with love and respect; not as a doormat when she's run out of other options.

You're far too young to settle for this. Wishing you all the best whatever you decide.