Help! I slept with someone else...

[Harriet211]

Hi, just before I write this I don’t want anyone to think ill of me etc. I made some very silly decisions.

Anyways around 2 months ago I broke up with my partner of nearly 2 years. On this break up I decided that I couldn’t cope with the pressures of the relationship and the commitment. We broke up for around 5 weeks when I realised that he was the love of my life and I regretted it desperately. I got back in contact with him and he agreed to see me. Fast forward and we are now back together.

This would be a good story however in the few months we broke up I started sleeping with someone else. It held no value to me and it was just rebound sex. Communication was lost between me and the other guy (mostly my fault) and he fell for me, in his words. We was only sleeping together for 2 weeks.

Anyway, when me and my partner got back together I cut contact with this other guy and explained why, and he took it quite badly. I didn’t know if I should tell my partner I’d slept with someone else whilst I was single but I did anyway. I told him I’d only slept with him once. Obviously this was a lie.

Now I’m paranoid he will find out from the other guy it was more than once. They are not likely to cross paths, don’t have similar friendship groups etc and I know in my mind the other guy isn’t gunna be like “oh we slept together loads”. I don’t really think it matters how many times you sleep with someone.

I just need some advice on what to do. I know this feeling will pass in due course, I just feel I’m constantly looking over my shoulder. Thanks :)

Come clean. Admit why you lied (worried what he'd think), and you're sorry, but didn't want to keep of the deceit because you love him.

I think you already know this, but you're worried.

I'll be honest. If there was 100% no risk of him ever finding out, I'd advise otherwise. But it's way better coming from you if there's a risk he will find out.

Thank you :) I am worried, maybe a bit too much and unrealistically.

I’m even worried to post photos of my partner on social media in fear that people will see us together and judge me because they’ve somehow found out I’ve slept with someone else? Maybe I’m just paranoid

“The past is a foreign country and they do things differently there”. EM Forster.

You had sex with someone else during a short term intermittent single stage of your life. At the end of the day you Re a woman and you have needs.

Your partner is aware of this person. There is no need and no benefit to report how many tines.

As for the social media aspect, if you are still concerned, why post the pictures at all.

You were single. You did nothing wrong.
Your partner doesn't need to know how many times and you don't need to feel guilty. You've already told him about the guy.
You don't need to bare your soul. This isn't a stain on you. It's just guilt because you're in love with him but you did nothing wrong.

I would come clean as it will be on your mind constantly

Can I just add I had a 4 month break from an abusive ex then got back together with him (was seeing someone else in that time ) I came clean and initially he was or seemed fine
He was NOT fine and it damaged him, he constantly bought it up

I never regret telling him mind as my conscience was clear
However for me my ex never forgave me

X

You should have kept it to yourself.
Do not tell your partner any more details.
Don't feel guilty. You were single at the time.

@StarlightLady
That’s not em Forster btw!
It’s from the go between. LP Hartley.

But the sentiment stands.

You were single at the time stop worrying over it ,what u do when u are single isnt anything to do with anyone.be happy & move past it x

You were not together, you didn't cheat.

Nothing to confess, you were single, you weren't cheating on him. Don't make a drama out of nothing.

Of course! Clearly I was having a bonkers literary moment. Pleased you agree it’s stll right though and hope the OP can relax.