Feel my marriage is over but don’t know what to think anymore

[alphasox]

I don’t even know what’s wrong. But I know I can’t stand my husband and feel there is nothing between us. I am miserable whenever he’s in the house!
Well, i think it’s got a lot to do with my tiredness - we have a just 1 year old who has never slept longer than 3/4 hour stretches and the fact I feel resentful that I’m the only one who gets up in the night (if I kick husband to go to baby he just appears back at my side holding baby out saying “he won’t settle for me”). Add to this the fact I work full time (we both do) and I earn more money than him, and yet I shoulder the majority of childcare, school stuff, cooking and house/life admin (Aka the mental load.)
Also he’s just so miserable and negative all the time (but then so am I guess if he’s around, though I turn on my positive face with the kids and with my friends). All he does is moan about the kids or tell them off or ignore them. He’s too busy getting through Netflix boxsets to engage with me or the kids.
Anyway they’re all tiny silly things but altogether I just can’t be doing with him anymore. Hes a selfish and miserable man who never thinks of me or our children. He didn’t even get me a Christmas present and he ruined Christmas Day by ignoring the kids who desperately wanted to play with him and then having a big ding dong with his mum and sister.
I’ve gotten to the point where every time he open his mouth I’m pissed off.
So?
How do I get back from these feelings? How do I get out of this situation - either out out or by getting happiness back in our relationship?
What is going on in my head?
I just don’t know what to make of it all and need some perspective.

How was it before this baby arrived. ? Is it the sleeplessness now or has shouldering the load always been up to you ?

That’s what I’m trying to work out. I think I felt exactly the same when our eldest was a baby but if somehow got better as he grew (and we got more sleep).
But it’s not just my lack of sleep I think though that’s a contributing factor. I think it’s his attitude. Pre kids we were fun, we went out a lot, we travelled. Now he plays Xbox and looks at his phone while I organise lunch boxes and diaries and play dates.

Have you sat him down and told him how resentful you feel ? Spelled out the cold hard reality of EOW contact with his children (where he has to do ALL the work with no one to pass it over to) and the impact that will have on them ?
I think you have probably just 'got on with it' and he has let you.
He needs a wake up call.
Should you have to say something? No of course not but habit has set in and he gets away with it. I don't like ultimatums. People don't react well to them but you need to make up your mind to be prepared to split and mean it - but give him an opportunity to choose to Nick his ideas up. Have a date in your mind. Then tell him to pull his finger out or you will go. You have to be prepared to do it though.

I was also a ft working mum in your exact shoes. I did it all. I got too resentful and left. With hindsight I was a mum Marty and I should of had that conversation first. Luckily we still have a good relationship. But my god my second marriage with no babies is a whole lot easier !

Good luck