Dating as a single parent

[Houseonahill]

I have a DD who is nearly 2, her dad isn't involved at all. I've started thinking about dating again but it's so scary. Could anyone answer these questions for me...

How long is reasonable to wait before introducing kids, I was thinking 6-12 months depending on how often I see him myself etc?

How do logistics work wrt not having many babysitters? Is it ok for people to come round in the evening/stay over if DD doesn't meet them? (Obviously not straight away)

I can't think of anything else atm but if anyone has any other helpful advice that would be good.

You just have to be very, very careful. Just bear in mind that there are some men who only want to know the mother as a way of getting access to the child. Just saying ...

I was sexually abused as a child and that is my biggest fear in the world

My DP used to come over when my kids were in bed. He then met them very casually one Sunday morning as "my friend" after a few months and we built things slowly from there. I probably would have waited longer to introduce them but he is military and was going away and I didn't want him to leave without a sense of whether the relationship could work in the long term with my kids. It's now been 2 years and he is a big part of all of our lives :)

I've dated a good number of men since being a single parent.
I have always been ok with having dates over to the house after DC is asleep. Partly because I have lodgers so never completely alone but mostly because they didn't usually stay over. I never got to a point with any man where I would want to introduce them to DC.
DC is now 11 so doesn't necessarily go to sleep before 9.30 so he does now know when my boyfriend comes over and he has briefly met him but I don't expect him to 'hang out' with him as it's just a boyfriend thing and not serious.
I have no fears about my D.C. getting attached to any boyfriend as he's a suspicious little beast and doesn't like many people but he's nervous that me having a boyfriend will make big changes to our lives so I am taking care to reassure him that that's not the case before even thinking about including the boyfriend in anything.

This is one of the reasons why as a single parent with no child care that I dont want to date. I would be wary of bringing someone over when the kids are in bed as you will probably just meet someone who wants a shag, Should be going out on dates not falling into a trap of them just coming round at night and gone before the morning.

Watching with interest. I’ve been single for a year now and feeling a bit lonely the past few weeks. I have so little time to myself though. I know others who met lovely people through online dating but it does scare me too. X

I'm not help as still trying to figure this out but I did think 6/12 months is a good guideline.

Am figuring this out myself too. I think 6-12 months is resonable. Just take your time before inviting someone into your home. Lots of short coffee dates better than nothing if thats all you can manage. Looking for someone with kids might help as they understand. I have been dating someone for a year and has met my daughter in passing as in - we can arrange to bump into each other in park. He isnt keen for me to meet his son properly yet so I guess you have to be aware that people have different paces but its good to have your own perameters. Good luck!

I'm a single parent and although off the dating scene now, I was dating for around 6 months last year. My children are older than yours (11 and 12) and they do see their dad regularly so I used my child free time to go on dates.

Regarding having someone round after kids are in bed, I don't personally feel comfortable with that as my kids sometimes woke up and came downstairs (still do!) so I would hate them to walk into a stranger in their house (and what if things get steamy...).

Do you have any family or friends who would babysit now and again so that you can go out on dates? At least until you get to know someone better?

Hi @Houseonahill. I've been a single parent since DD2 was born, I'm widowed so they are always here!

I had one relationship when kids were small where to begin with I got babysitters and went to pub/restaurant. On our sixth date, after 3 months of knowing each other he came to the house for dinner when DDs asleep and was gone before they woke up. My DDs never get up - they call out for me. He had three kids of his own and I am a very good judge of character, partly due to my job, so I felt safe having him in house.

The relationship ended after two years but he was always kind and respectful around my children, we did a handful of play dates with his kids in that time. The DC liked him but didn't attach to him, so no harm done.

Been single for over a year and now in a new relationship of 4 months. He is allowed round for dinner now but not to stay over. Oldest DD has asked to meet him (she is 8) and says she will be happy for him to stay once she has spent time with him. We have all agreed this will happen after half term, when it will be six months. Again initially I used babysitters. He doesn't have kids but works in a very responsible role with children and so this feeds into my judgement.

Use your commonly sense, be aware of red flags, if a man violates any boundary, no matter how small he comes nowhere near your home. My kids are used to my having male and female friends so if they happened to come downstairs while he was here it wouldn't matter at all. Nothing inappropriate takes place in rooms they can enter - get a lock!

I would get to know someone before inviting them around as if you end up doing online dating for a while, you might find it doesn’t work out for whatever reason and before you know it, you’ve been with a string of men all wanting a shag.

I did dating with dc and I found a lot of men on put pressure on to come to my home with a bottle of wine very early on (aka after a shag) with no thought to the children. A couple thought it fine to ask to stay in the spare room and looked shocked when I said, what about the children in the morning? as if the thought had not occurred to them.