What’s your expectation?

[DustyMcDustbuster]

Sorry, couldn’t think how to title this!

Been single for a long time, last year started OLD, only met guys looking for hookups. I’m almost 51, so that’s not what I’m interested in. Met a guy in about Sept last year. This will sound awful, but for some OLDers you might recognise it. He was only guy to take me out to dinner - others suggested a coffee (and there was the one who invited himself over with a dvd & wine!!). We’ve been “seeing each other” since first date, but it’s more like every few weeks.

He’s admitted he’s crap at texting & I feel like he would be happy to go for days (or over a week) with zero contact.

I’m totally co-dependent, but I know this & work on it. BUT, I guess my question is - what do you expect from a new guy? We’ve established neither of us is seeing anyone else, and I feel like I should ask what “this” is. My brother told me unequivocally no! Lol.

Oh, and do you guys stick to the not texting thing & expect him to initiate the conversations? I’ve been texting him first, plus he has, but it’s a week now & I decided to leave it to him.

Female friends are adamant that I should not text him. And tbh if I did, I’d feel shit, thinking “when would he have contacted me if I didn’t do it first?”

I’m not desperate for a man, by any means, but I would like to think it’s not meant to be like this, st my age!

It’s still not really a relationship, certainly doesn’t sound like what you’re really looking for. You don’t seem happy. Don’t contact him and move on.

Thank you for replying. I’ve dusted off my OLD profile, so let’s see if that brings someone nice along.

Do you get on well when you are together? Do you do fun things and go to interesting places? Maybe he has a busy job, children, elderly parents, hobbies etc and seeing you once a week is all he wants to do.

Are you having sex?

Go back to his original dating profile, was he looking for a ‘soul mate’ or just a friend.

I wouldn’t text him now, let him make the next move.

Hmm, a week with no contact seems far too long to me. I am a similar age (49).

I was 38 when I met DH, on OLD. He was very quick to establish that we were boyfriend & girlfriend, and kept in touch daily. It felt like he wanted to snap me up, and make sure I wasn't on the market, iyswim.

If I became single again, I would expect the same behaviour, and I think if a man hadn't texted or called in a whole week, I would label this as very casual, and I'd be seeing other men as well.

Oh God. You’ve just made me answer my own question! We get on brilliantly when together. His mum is unwell & he has a big family & his dad just died.

BUT - I go to his & we hang out. Yeah, we are having sex, but when I said a few weeks ago I couldn’t come over as had my period, he said of course I could! I didn’t end up going.

This is a bloody bootycall isn’t it??? Lol. Ok. Now I’m going to go bash my head against the wall!

That’s exactly what I expect. And I’ve just realised this is nothing more than a f*ckbuddy! Lol at my age, I hadn’t really given that much thought.

To kind of save face - my last relationship was like this for the 2 years pretty much, so I don’t think it was on my radar. What a twat!!!!

@Ragwort (sorry, I’m new, so I don’t know how to quote!!)

I deleted my profile, so can’t see his! I have swiped a lot to see if I can find it!! Haha!

Yeah, we are having sex, but when I said a few weeks ago I couldn’t come over as had my period, he said of course I could! I didn’t end up going

Well, from this statement, you yourself treated the relationship as FWB or booty call. He was saying to still come over, and that your period didn't mean you shouldn't come, but you didn't go because there would be no sex.

Why did you do that?