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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do you leave someone you love? Possible emotional abuse.

3 replies

MandB23 · 20/01/2019 14:28

I posted on here last week. After a very terrible few days with my OH.

To sum up; he is very angry, aggressive (non physical to me), shows 0 empathy or understanding, lies, hides things, and the thing I’m struggling to forgive is what that he went through a phase (about 2 years - once a month or so) of starting to have sex with me whilst I was asleep.

We are in a really bad place. But we have a week where everything is going really good and I can’t imagine life without him but the tiniest thing sets him off and if he doesn’t like what I’m saying he explodes and becomes nasty and aggressive and patronising. He cannot keep his defences down.

I now know that I need to leave him. But I’m finding it very hard when I do still love him. Or the idea of him. The him he used to be. Or pretended to be. And my family - we have a daughter and we also lost a baby in July and she has been through enough. I feel as though I’ve tried to keep my family together and I’ve done whatever I can. I wake up every day and start fresh. But I’m hurt and angry and I know it’s not enough for me.

Anybody ever been in a similar situation? Where you know you need to leave but have reasons that you don’t want to?

Or any words of wisdom at all?

OP posts:
Thatsalovelycuppatea · 20/01/2019 15:45

In a similar situation had a really bad argument last night. He was overtired and angry at things I've said over the day then making it all out to be my fault. The arguments are draining but like you say about your dh, you can't imagine life without them when you have your good weeks. I know this probably ain't a mumsnetty word but big hugs.

RandomMess · 20/01/2019 15:53

Start working on yourself!

Do the Freedom Program, read up on co-dependency. Imagine your DC living with a partner treating them lack that, because they will as they are learning that is what a relationship looks like...

MandB23 · 20/01/2019 16:45

It’s hard work. It’s like a split personality. I love one side but the other I literally have no time for. My emotional well being has taken a battering and I’m so tired. Hugs to you too!!!

OP posts:
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