Relationships with young kids

[Ineedtonamechangenow]

I posted in parenting but think that was the wrong place.

Just looking for tips to fix our relationship.

We have a one year old and a two year old. No affection and no intimacy. We both walk on eggshells.

I feel like DH barely tolerates me half the time. DH says I'm always having a go at him.

My boys don't sleep. I work evenings and have no childcare during the days. DH studies full time. I just want to feel loved.

Ok take one step at a time. Speak to your husband and say how you feel, you both need to be on the same page to fix this. First off you need to tackle the kids not sleeping, what is a usual daily routine with the kids? If you can sort this then you can work on the relationship with your husband. It's so important to not just be mum and dad all the time, yous need time alone together. I don't mean having to find sitters etc, getting the kids to bed and having a meal together and chat or chill out together will make all the difference in the relationship. Yous need to re connect and that's difficult when you are both exhausted and get no alone time x

It is really hard! The only thing I can say is communication is key along with a bucketload of patience from both of you. You are coping with a big change in your lives and it can take a while to readjust. However you raise this please don't just go in with a list of his failings as he will just get defensive.

They both nap at 12.30 for a couple of hours. I think that's pretty ok because they are only 24m and 12m. Bed time is 7.30 but I work evenings.

I tried to chat to him the other day and he just shut the conversation down. I really feel like we're at a total road block. It just makes me want to run away.

It sounds pathetic but I want to try to lose some weight now both for me and also to see if he finds me more desirable. I feel like my body is disgusting. He'd never in a million years say it but he just won't go near me

It's really difficult. I am going to guess that you are both right and both wrong.

You both need to kinder to eachother. It's really hard with young kids. But it will only get better if you both communicate, in a way that actually works.

Instead of saying 'we need to talk'.

Prearrange a time to sit down and discuss how to make it better. Dropping the 'we need to discuss this' conversation on someone when they aren't expecting it, can often just not work.

I just don't know how to get him to see that even just a hug will make a massive difference to me

But he may feel he can't provide that if there is huge distance.

I am like that. If there are big problems in a relationship, I can't provide that physical comfort and affection.

If he isn't willing to sit and talk, then it won't get better. You can't force him to want to make it work.

I guess he probably just wants a quiet life to do his own thing and not be hassled

Is he living a kind of single life, if he's a student? Are his friends mostly single and child-free?

He mostly studies from home. He studies all day and has the kids in the evening. I guess it's a mix.

I doubt his head is turned but life must surely be more appealing rather than having a tired wife and two young children