Shitty statistics

[CallMeSirShotsFired]

I worked out yesterday that I have only been loved romantically for 11% of my entire adult life. 89% of my years have been unwanted and unloved.

I also realised I have little to no hope of ever celebrating a Ruby Anniversary, and I can forget about Golden or Diamond unless I also simultaneously become the World's Oldest Woman.

You've got far too much time on your hands.

It wasn't exactly difficult maths

(I was writing a Ruby Anniversary card for someone at the time and thinking how lovely it was.)

So so much to unpick in what you have written.

Mother Theresa clearly had a wasted life 🤷‍♀️

With divorce statistics as they are, very few people will celebrate a Ruby wedding anniversary!

Im sure you have achieved many other things in that 89%?

Fwiw I've been in romantic relationships most of my adults life. It's not all that and I think some more time spent single might actually have done me a lot of good.

As @LemonTT said upthread, so much to unpick in your post

unwanted and unloved. is not the same as not being in a relationship. Hope you untangle these thoughts soon.

Surely quality is more important than quantity. In any case, romantic love is not the only kind of love, and not the most important thing in life.

I know two couples who were Diamond last year, which is so heartwarming.

Yes, I have achieved other things, but wasn't calculating those! Even amongst my own age peers, I think the numbers would almost reversed - ie they have all been together as long as I have been single (and achieved the same other stuff so it's not like I have surged ahead with all my free time )

My parents are heading rapidly towards their golden anniversary.

I will be lucky if I get to my silver anniversary. That's because dh was 46 when we got married, so maybe we'll get to silver (possibly not as he's got health issues that could kill him before that) but not really much hope of ruby as he'd need to be 106!!

How old are you? When I was 28 I was on less than 10%. Then I met now dh at 29, so now my percentage looks a lot higher. If we split up I'm sure it would go down again.

Acerbic some more time spent single might actually have done me a lot of good.

I do find people who are unable to be single for a minute a little suspicious, that's true!

Knittink Surely quality is more important than quantity. In any case, romantic love is not the only kind of love, and not the most important thing in life.

I think that's a lot easier to say if you have had more romantic love than not.

Romantic love is not defined by being married or being in a relationship, even long ones. It isn’t even a half decent proxy.

Do we really have to make life so difficult for ourselves with these comparisons and pressures. Actually leave me out of the “we....”

I was married 20 years but if you mean properly romantically, then same here!

I think that's a lot easier to say if you have had more romantic love than not.

Fair point, but although I'm happily married, I have only had two boyfriends in my life (one is now dh) and I'm nearly 50. I was single for years at a time, not through lack of offers, but because I don't mind being single and would far rather be single than with someone I didn't think I could love, even if they loved me. If anything happened to dh I am pretty certain I'd remain single for the rest of my life.

OP have you counted your own self in your statistics? After years of shit relationships when I was younger I decided to stay single for quite a few years as I realised the longest relationship I'll ever have is with my own (fabulous haha) self so I cultivated that, learnt to love myself and appreciate myself. I didn't want my worth wrapped up in someone else's view or opinion of me. Have you loved yourself through the years and wanted to spend time on yourself and appreciate the amazing person you are? What about friendships? Or are you only considering romantic relationships in your stats. A romantic partner is not the only person who can show you love and make you feel wanted. I'm in a great relationship now but given our ages when we met there's a chance we'll make Ruby a slim chance we'll make silver but definitely not gold. None of that matters to me because it our time together now that's important, not possibly reaching some anniversary milestone down the line.

Kittink Fair point, but although I'm happily married, I have only had two boyfriends in my life (one is now dh) and I'm nearly 50. I was single for years at a time, not through lack of offers

*RIvanQueen when I was younger I decided to stay single for quite a few years as I realised the longest relationship I'll ever have is with my own (fabulous haha) self so I cultivated that, learnt to love myself and appreciate myself. I didn't want my worth wrapped up in someone else's view or opinion of me. Have you loved yourself through the years and wanted to spend time on yourself and appreciate the amazing person you are?

I have had neither boyfriends nor offers (nor really any friends), so it's not a case of choosing to put myself first, it is just what my life has been.
(And yes I know that is all wrapped up in the same self-love thing you refer to, so it's a lack of choice through my own making...)

I didn't really post this to be a horrible maudlin thread about poor little me, even though I started out by posting a silly "data point".

You are still 10 times luckier than someone who was romantically loved 1.1% of the time!!

Fair point!