Watching your partner have sex

[Pigeonpies]

My DP and I are fairly open minded when it comes to sexual experiences and lately we’ve been discussing the idea of him watching me have sex with another man.

Does any one have any experiences like this? Was there any jealousy or weirdness after the event?
We’ve both agreed we’d have to be in a secure frame of mind before actually ever doing it.
Just wondering your thoughts or experiences?

:)

@Pigeonpies my mistake. I'd argue it still belongs in sex. You mean you've never looked at a thread then noticed it's been deleted? Odd.

@Huskylover1

Who suggested it first, you or him? I'll wager it was him, which makes me think that he sees you as no more than a sexual commodity

This is a huge and incorrect assumption and quite offensive.
You’re also assuming I’m vulnerable and susceptible to being coerced in to doing things I wouldn’t be comfortable with.

Yes, he can have ‘normal’ sex, although sexist to assume ( again) that it was him who is pushing for it. He’s not. It was my suggestion and a discussion we’re both equally involved in. I am also fine with having just ‘normal’ sex

Overwhelmed by the frequent misandry you see on this board.

OP, I think you get the replies you do on here because it's so mainstream.
Very few folk would admit to similar feelings, and many wouldn't go there through fear.
I agree with others, take it easy very slowly, communicating at each step and you'll be fine.
I've known several to do this, most were ok, the ones who communicated their feelings openly.

Okay, well just crack on then. I'm guessing you aren't completely comfortable about it though, or you wouldn't be posting here.

Does he get to shag other women, whilst you watch?

Join a site called fab swingers. It's a very common fantasy and you'll have the pick of the men

I've known two couples who did this(not with each other but separate people a few years apart) , one very much at the husband's instigation. It altered the dynamics of their relationships because both the women enjoyed it more than they expected especially as they got lots of male attention ..more men than women at these parties apparently ..and the husbands were um "outclassed" performance wise ..careful what you wish for ..

Ginandbearit

It depends on what places/parties they want to.
If a place is open to singles - than yes - there will be more men.
And the dynamics will be appropriate to that gender mix.

However, many places specify when it a night only for couples and single women.
For the first time - i’d start with couples nights.

@huskeyloverone
I agree with your points. I’m not saying a relationship that partakes in it will fall apart, but I am saying that if he respects you and has chosen you, why would you want to be intimate with others?
What if he’s more attracted to a different woman? Or you find another man more sensual and attractive than your partner? If you’re willing to risk these things or you feel it could never happen, then it doesn’t matter what you do.

But I’d be inclined to think that if I needed to raise the bar sexually involving others, putting my relationship at risk, then I’m not that into my partner.
What if you try it and feel uncomfortable. Yet then you’ve got the pressure that just you and your partner alone aren’t enough for each other.

I knew a couple of swingers and the woman was a former shell of herself. Husband was a big control freak and would be all over her in the most inappropriate situations, yet she just looked like a scared rabbit.

OP, this is quite a common fantasy, google CuckQueans, maybe join a forum.

Do it if you want but be 100% clear with whoever what you are and are not prepared to do.

There was a post on netmums some years back where it all went horribly wrong.
And if you are instigating make sure oh is 100% behind it

And they say romance is dead

i'd have a serious talk about it, some people have money and some people are rich. it is just the way life goes, keep smiling princess your tiara is slipping x

@saucymumof3

Huh?

Have decided to get a subscription to Good housekeeping magazine and embrace my ‘boringness’ , I cannot think of anything I would like less in RL , and that’s with a marriage that is less than perfect at the moment. I think there are huge potential pitfalls, indeed I know one couple who ended up divorcing because of it. The guy pushed the woman (in their late 30’s) she went along with it, hated it, but he was really into it and told her they couldn’t stay married unless she carried it on, divorce ensued

I know a number of people who have done this and it's fine! Though they ease into it like going to swingers and sex parties:

1. Go and only do stuff with eachother
2. Watch other couples have sex together
3. Ease in maybe just kissing and see how that makes you both feel

And so on x

@Ozziewozzie
@user147

Thing is - these experiences don’t do much destroy relationships. They may amplify different needs - that are already there.

So - if both people want to explore with others - and push boundaries, it can work quite well. If only one is looking for that and not the other - than it won’t end well.

But - it’d be the same outcome, eventually, even if the actual experience didnt happen. The partner needing to explore - would either be unhappy, or cheat and be found out.

As to liking the other person more - him/her being more sensual and that endangering the relationship - that doesn’t work quite like that.
It could if you were talking about open relationship where partners have additional 1:1 interactions.

As it is - the OP is describing a swinging situation. And that is much more a carnal and hedonistic situation. It’s not at all comparable to the 1:1 love making with a partner. It’s a different, intensely physical experience.
And doing it together with someone you love can be a great experience that makes you close on a whole other level.

For me relationships are about love, respect and monogamy.
I'd hate to watch the man I love having sex with someone else.
I think it would slowly erode all my confidence.
I'd be thinking that I wasn't enough.

But..... It works for others.
Everyone views sex very differently.
Some can compartmentalise.
I couldn't though.
It would totally destroy me.

I know my Ex is doing this with the OW now and she is not feeling great about watching him fuck other women.
It's basically cheating right under your DP nose.
And she already knows he's a cheat.

If you are both on board and totally comfortable doing it then that's fine.
But really think about the consequences.
Right now it's him watching you with another man.
What if he wants it the other way around?
Could you cope watching the man you love shagging someone else?
Don't get me wrong, lots of people can cope with it but this needs some serious thought and very honest discussions before it progresses.

I suggest you look at the film 'Love' by Gaspar Noe. Not a happy ending.