Unreasonable?

[Randomer72]

I have been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now, were seeing each other for a few months before that. We always have an amazing time when we're together and I care about him so much. The thing is, I've started to feel like he doesn't really care for me or support me emotionally. We don't really see each other that often, maybe one evening during the week for a few hours and then half a day on the weekend, if that. It's often me initiating the plans, and his reason for not seeing me that often is because he works a lot and is tired. I've told him before how it makes me feel like he doesn't want to see me when he doesn't initiate plans and that I want to see him more. He said he wanted to see me more too but hasn't done anything about it.

I've kind of just tolerated up until this point because I'm busy with my career and friends usually. However, recently I've been starting to feel really depressed. My life has suddenly gotten really stressful and I feel like I need some support. I've suffered with depression in the past but it has never been this bad. I'm struggling to get out of bed in the morning, feeling anxious when I leave the house, lost my appetite, have no interest in life anymore, hate myself, crying all the time, etc. I'm hoping with some support I'll be able to get myself through this, but my boyfriend has not been helping at all. I'm constantly telling him how low I feel, how I'm fed up of my life, etc. and he's not doing anything at all. I decided to tell him that I felt like he could care about me more last weekend but he got really defensive and angry. I spent the whole day in bed crying, feeling really alone and he wouldn't come over and see me because he said it'd be a bad idea with us both now being "angry".

I've had a really tough week this week and dealt with some difficult situations. I told him that I was fed up of my life and felt very down, I then asked him when I was going to see him and he said Sunday because he wasn't feeling well. I got really upset because I felt alone and like I really needed someone with me today. I told him all of this and he got really defensive again and started twisting it on me. He said that me having these conversations with him is stressing him out and that it's not nice to saying that someone doesn't care about you. He said there's nothing he can do to make me feel less depressed.

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable here. I know it can be smothering when somebody asks to see you all the time, but I'm not asking because I feel needy, it's because I genuinely feel depressed and alone. :(

I'm sorry you're feeling so low OP

I strongly suspect that this man is not in it for the long run. He's all keen and interested when it's dating and fun and sexy times, but when he's asked to actually do some emotional labour, suddenly he's not up for it.

Do you have family and/or friends who you can reach out to for support instead? Even if you feel like "OMG I haven't contacted her/him properly since I met BF, I'm too embarrassed to speak to her/him now" I would 100% be there for anyone who needed me.

Have you seen your GP since you've gone into this slump?

You can't argue someone into wanting to support you though. I know you say you're "not being needy" but of course you are - because you need support! You're allowed to be in need.

But equally, support is something that someone either wants to give or doesn't. He doesn't want to support you. No amount of "having a chat" etc is going to help that.

I think maybe time to back way off from him and turn to people who know and love you. Sorry you're feeling like this dont stay in touch with him, your mental health won't benefit from it.

He's not into you, just what he can get out of it. 6 months and still unstructured and inconsistent times to seeing each other.
I'm really sorry you're feeling low which is totally understandable, but for him not to support you emotionally, that speaks volumes about the sort of inconsiderate person he is. I know it's easier said but try detaching yourself from him emotionally and give him a taste his medicine see how he likes it.
P.S; you're allowed to be needy, it's not a crime, we're all humans. Stay strong OP. X

“I'm constantly telling him how low I feel, how I'm fed up of my life, etc. and he's not doing anything at all”

With respect - YOU need to be doing something about this, not your boyfriend of 6 months.

Have you seen a doctor? Have you got on medication? Asked for counselling?

You haven’t been together that long, and your relationship is still in early stages given that you don’t see each other that often.
If I were him - i’d be having serious doubts about proceeding with you, as you seem to be quite needy and demanding.
And - I have been depressed myself and have had both regular counselling and medical treatments.
So - I am not being harsh.
You need to take responsibility for your health and not put it in on others to make it better for yourself.

I the absence of your depression - I’s Say - if your bf doesn’t want to spend time with you - just leave and find someone who’d be more interested.

However - at this point - first things first. Get to a doctor. Get help.
Then sort it your dating situation.

Have you been to his house OP? A few hours during the week, does he stay the night? and half a day at weekends, does he stay over then?

Are you absolutely sure he's single?

Please reach out to your family and friends rather than trying to gain support he seems unable to offer. I’d suggest trying to address your feelings of isolation and loneliness, which I fear your relationship might be adding to? If you feel like he doesn’t value you and your relationship. A coffee with a friend can help if it’s a simple case of loneliness and they might offer a different perspective. I know mine have offered wise pearls like; “he’s an asshole”, “doesn’t deserve you” etc which can make you feel better.

I don’t know what to say to reassure you about him but maybe he feels unable to support you correctly so is pulling away. There could be so many reasons; including he’s an idiot whose not serious about your relationship, or he’s getting cold feet, or he’s emotionally unable to support you, or he’s just selfish etc etc. Could you try to focus on you and other interests and I’m sure he will suddenly find this happier independent version of you more attractive. You then have the luxury of deciding if you want to just let it fizzle out, try to see if he’s ready for a real relationship with all that entails or even just continue a casual relationship. A happier you will be a good result anyway!

A boyfriend of 6 months is not there to be your emotional crutch. Support is one thing, but it sounds like you want more than a shoulder to cry on, you want to be dependent on him. Really I think you should focus your energy on getting medical help to get better. If you keep on like this he is almost certain to walk away.