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Relationships

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Original poster

OLD and NOT meeting up

17 replies

Youngerthanyesterday · 19/01/2019 07:25

Just trying to wrap my head around this. Why would you meet someone through OLD, match with them, add them on FB and chat every few days but NOT plan to meet up at all?

I just wonder how normal this is? However normal anything is on OLD I suppose ....

First few weeks it makes sense but now it's coming up 2 months.

OP posts:

Sarcelle · 19/01/2019 07:27

Not in the market for any sort of dating myself but I have seen the scenario you have mentioned on several threads before. So whilst not normal, it is not unusual.

My first thought would be they were a con artist, married or their circumstances don't allow them to meet up. Could the face book be fake?

Yearinyearout · 19/01/2019 07:29

Could he be married/in a relationship? You can set your privacy on Facebook so other people can't see who you're friends with so he can add friends without any partner knowing

nokiaoldschool · 19/01/2019 07:42

Morning, it's quite common, some people like the ego boost of getting messages but don't want to meet or haven't been truthful about who they are/ their situation.
Have you suggested meeting yourself and if so what have been the reasons why they can't?
I set a limit of 2 weeks and if I haven't met then I delete/ block. Having made the mistake before of overinvesting before meeting and being disappointed it's a good rule, I don't message too much before the first meet either and it's only a quick coffee so not a date as such. Have you met up with anyone else in the meantime? Don't pin all your hopes on one person as (according to the rules on the dating thread) its all bullshit until it happens :)

Changedname3456 · 19/01/2019 07:47

As PP said - ego boost or they’re married are the two most likely. Or possibly cat fishing you? Best not to waste more time on it if you’re after an actual relationship.

LellyMcKelly · 19/01/2019 08:11

I’d get them off FB if you haven’t met them. If you’re looking to date don’t waste your time on people who don’t want to meet - there’s a reason for it. I wasted over a year on someone then found out he had a girlfriend for years. In the world of OLD I’d recommend chat for a day or two but get to the date quickly. You can’t know whether you like someone until you actually meet.

Whothere · 19/01/2019 08:16

I think some people just seem to like chatting and they are probably doing the same with lots of other women. I was chatting online to one guy for several weeks and I asked if he had met anyone. He said no but he had arranged to meet someone, got there in a taxi and chickened out and went home. Poor woman sat there and he didn’t even have the guts to tell her he’d gone. He’s still on the dating website and I wouldn’t be surprised if he still hasn’t actually met anyone.

abcriskringle · 19/01/2019 08:21

My advice with OLD is to meet after about 2 weeks of regular chatting. This weeds out the ones who want a quick shag within a day or two of firsy messaging you and the ones who are not really interested in meeting for the reasons pp have mentioned! Plus you could be wasting time on someone you have no spark with irl - I met DH online and I didn't think it would go anywhere from our initial chatting but he was respectful and nice so I met him and we clicked instantly much to my surprise! I'd met others who sounded lovely online but in real life we just didn't get on that well. I'd call it a day with this guy and start chatting to someone new. Good luck.

usernamefromhell · 19/01/2019 08:55

Watching this with interest as I have just posted on a somewhat similar situation. I think there are a lot of blokes who get their jollies from messaging women online but are scared of any real contact. The trick is to weed them out early and not indulge them.

Chocolate123 · 19/01/2019 09:03

Married or in a relationship. This happens quite a lot I'm afraid. Some just looking for an ego boost. I usually would have met someone as quick as possible rather than waste my time chatting for weeks and then nothing come of it.

ALittleBitConfused1 · 19/01/2019 09:28

I have OLD quite a bit in the past and initially was really suprised at how common this was.
I'm not sure why, yes I guess some them probably were married but then again I also used to see a lot of men stating on their profile that they weren't looking for a penal and swapping endless messages, that they actually wanted to meet someone. So I'm assuming it happens to both sexes online.
I had a bloke once where we matched, swapped messages then progressed to WhatsApp. After about a week or so of daily messages I suggested a date to which he answered he wasn't looking to.meet up, he was a single dad and didn't really have the childcare or time to date but was happy to keep chatting. His fb (yes if possible I would check their sm out before dating) seemed to verify his position, but I was like eh why are you on a dating site then. When I responded with that question and saying I was looking for a RL relationship so I wouldn't be messaging anymore he got a bit shitty and told me I was expecting too.much
I'm not on any apps now as have been seeing some one for a couple of months but because of this I did set a rule, as pp have said. If a date wasn't arranged within a week or so of chatting I just cut them off and moved onto the next one.

Original poster

Youngerthanyesterday · 19/01/2019 10:13

That’s all so interesting.

I do wonder if some people like not really knowing people so they can make them whoever they want to be in their heads

OP posts:

Fonduefrolics · 19/01/2019 12:08

I’d be wary of someone who didn’t want to meet up. And, personally, I’d never give access to my FB profile if I’d never met them.

If you’re happy to have a pen pal by all means carry on cautiously.

Loka123 · 19/01/2019 12:41

It could be for a range of reasons right from simply craving digital company for texting, etc. almost like a pen pal, to someone being very shy/having social anxiety about meeting in person (these being fairly innocent, nice reasons) all the way to either them being married or having you on the "back burner" as in, they are chasing another girl and you're second priority so they keep the digital contact going so they have you as a back up (if first choice doesn't work out) but are busy actually meeting up with their first choice.

Lottiesmum16 · 20/01/2019 08:35

Don’t mean to sound thick, but what’s OLD??

BiscuitDrama · 20/01/2019 08:38

Online dating.

Lottiesmum16 · 20/01/2019 09:04

Ahhhh ok thanks 👍🏻

Laylajaney · 20/01/2019 10:28

I was OLD and left after a while . I went on a date with someone with whom I hit it off -enough to have another date or so I thought . Contacted him and said do you fancy going out again for a coffee to which he answered a very brief 'not interested'. I must admit I was surprised because I would have thought he could have been more polite and let me down gently. I went on same site again and the same person asked me out -he didnt remember me because I had a
very different photo. After awhile I told him we had better not meet up because he hadnt fancied me last time we met up to which he answered that it would probably be the same result and he said please dont contact me again . I had lucky escape I think!

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