I've come to realise that I am only sexually attracted to men where I can't be myself. I revert to being a child again; seeking their approval and at the same time both intensely loving and hating them.
On the other hand, where I don't find any sexual attraction to them, I can simply be me without the baggage of behaving like an adult child. When I do behave like this adult child it just causes me a great deal of pain and the relationship goes tits up.
I'm 45 now and getting tired of this silly pattern. Does this mean that I steer clear of men who I am sexually attracted to? This would avoid my repeating the same old painful pattern; but I can't see myself engaging in a sexual relationship with a man that I'm not attracted to. Where's the balance? Has anybody been in this situation themselves? I don't mind solitude and I have some loving and kind friends and lots to do; but a life without sex from here on in, doesn't seem quite right for me.