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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is it time to leave?

13 replies

Newmom2018 · 18/01/2019 21:19

I'm thinking it's time to leave my marriage.. if there is such a thing! My husband is just getting more and more horrible towards me and the kids. He shouts, calls me names, puts holes in the walls (not often but..) and now has started threatening me (although not regularly) it's still happening. We have a teen (his) and a baby (ours). There's just arguments a lot of the time, he says he's always stressed. We're very seldom intimate! I just don't know what to do! He can be a very nasty person (outside of our marriage) but now he's just become such a horrible person to be around! He calls names like it's NOTHING! Even to his child! "You lazy fuck" because the bins weren't taken out!! Or I'm "a stupid bastard" because I let him go up to bed without telling him his phone was left on the couch. I've just come to my wits end, I can't take anymore. I don't want to finish our marriage but I can't have our kids around it anymore! My priorities just aren't the same now we have a baby! I cant ignore it...Any advice is really appreciated!!

OP posts:
MyKingdomForBrie · 18/01/2019 21:23

Advice is simple - leave!

HollowTalk · 18/01/2019 21:24

Think practically. Where can you go to? He sounds absolutely horrible. Does his child live with you all?

SkinnyPete · 18/01/2019 21:26

Tell him to go get counselling. If he refuses... Bye!

cestlavielife · 18/01/2019 21:30

Get up and go to family or friends tomorrow
After two weeks away you will see more clearly and realize you cannot go back

cestlavielife · 18/01/2019 21:30

Counselling won't cure him

Newmom2018 · 18/01/2019 21:38

This is the problem, I'll loose his child who lives with us and doesn't want to stay with him (it came up in a row before) he'll take every penny we have and leave me with nothing I jus know it. I come from a very broken home.. I don't want this for my baby. I always just wanted a happy family :( he's no interest in our baby but he'll fight to take the baby from me. I just don't know how I'm supposed to do this. I wish it wasn't happening! We used to be so happy..

OP posts:
MadeForThis · 18/01/2019 21:54

A broken home is better than a broken mother.

You don't want your dc to grow up listening to his abuse.

Newmom2018 · 18/01/2019 21:58

@MadeForThis you're absolutely right. And no I really don't want my baby to grow up with it. I'm afraid. I don't know how I'll manage. I don't want to loose his child. I'd love it to be a civil split but he'll go crazy. I know it. He'll leave me with nothing and no way of managing financially or otherwise. Thanks for your reply 

OP posts:
Newmom2018 · 18/01/2019 21:59

@HollowTalk yes we have his child living with us for a year. Makes this so much harder

OP posts:
Mousetolioness · 19/01/2019 09:29

How old is the teen and do you think they'd want to leave and live with you rather than stay with their father?

Newmom2018 · 19/01/2019 09:47

@Mousetolioness 15 years old. Oh definitely would want to stay with me but he wouldn't allow it. Neither would the mother because she's still fighting to get the child back. Very difficult situations

OP posts:
Fonduefrolics · 19/01/2019 12:15

A broken home? He’s breaking it up already with his behaviour and no reasonable person would be expected to put up with that behaviour.

I’d recommend some professional advice before he turns the violence on to you or the children.

Mousetolioness · 19/01/2019 22:40

I was thinking that an older child might have some say in where they wanted to live. I wonder how a parent could make an older teen live with them.

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