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Original poster

Bisexual partner - advice please?

15 replies

Oxfordmum1234 · 18/01/2019 18:06

Hi all,

My partner of 13 years was working away for 3 months and whilst he was away I had a message to say that he has been dating guys and is bisexual!! The person who told me showed me his account with lots of naked photos of him and verifications that he had met guys. I asked him about this and he has denied it, but I have thought something was going on for some time. He has also been spending lots of money on a credit card playing online gaming which I only found out about when he was away! We have two children who are 8 and 4. I don’t know what to do for the best and wanted to know if anyone that’s been in this situation? He has just taken a job to go away again for a year!

I felt very low whilst all this was going on and I’ve been chatting to a guy online and met and we get on very well, I just don’t know what to do!any advice would be greatly appreciated. X

OP posts:
Boysandbuses · 18/01/2019 18:09

Him being bisexual isn't the problem.

Him cheating is. You cheating won't make it any better.

Break up with him. You know he cheated wether, he admits it of not. Or offer up and open marriage so you both can see eachother outside the marriage?

minmooch · 18/01/2019 18:15

I would suggest that you make preparations for a life without you dh. As he is planning to go away for a year then it would seem to me that he is already living a life separate from you and the children.

This is all on the assumption that you did not know he was bi-sexual.

If by some miracle the photos are lies and he is not bi is he concerned that you are upset? Is he doing anything to help you?

I would be surprised if it were a scam. Presuming you did not sign up to marriage whereby you share your partner with other men you need to seek the advice of a solicitor and make moves to separate.

You also need to book and STI test.

If you did not know about this aspect of his life then he lied to you in the most terrible way. I cannot see how you could come back from that.

Under no circumstances get involved with anyone else until you have sorted out your marriage. You are in a very vulnerable position to potential dickheads. You do not need that complication.

I'm so sorry that you have discovered this

minmooch · 18/01/2019 18:15

Sorry I see he is your dp rather than dh. Advice above remains the same.

SandyY2K · 18/01/2019 18:21

Yeah....it would be over for me, without a second thought.

Original poster
Oxfordmum1234 · 18/01/2019 18:29

No, I never had any idea he was bi-sexual.

It’s definatley not a scam as some of the photos are in our home.

I don’t see how I can come back from this either, but wondered if anyone had? It’s obviously very new to me so wanted to see if anyone else had been through this.

I have only been talking to the guy as I was lonely, but need to sort out this situation obviously first.

OP posts:
Bluestripeddress · 18/01/2019 21:18

Theres no way I could stay with a guy who is obviously gay.

Haworthia · 18/01/2019 21:23

He’s going away for a year? Well it sounds like he’s checked out of the relationship and family life and has a new lifestyle mapped out instead.

There’s no coming back from that, really.

RoseOfSharyn · 18/01/2019 21:42

The fact he is bi is a red herring.
If it was another woman he cheated with would you be giving the situation so much sympathy?

Viviene · 18/01/2019 21:52

As per pp, it's not necessarily a problem that he is bi and it would not bother me. Cheating might be a problem. Is it? Some people don't necessarily mind.
The other guy is just a stupid idea.

MumsyJ · 18/01/2019 22:04

He's a cheat and a liar. He has also decided to take on a job away from home, he's obviously more into men than women.
Time to end it and move on with your life, a liar and a cheat isn't worthy of anyone's tears. He's quite greedy though, swinging both ways, make your mind up Mr 🙄!
Walk away OP. So sorry you're going through this Flowers

NotTheFordType · 18/01/2019 22:06

He's been banging someone else.
What agreements about exclusivity have you made between the two of you?

PissOffPeppa · 18/01/2019 23:10

The bisexuality is irrelevant. He’s a cheat

ISdads · 18/01/2019 23:14

Open relationship or 'don't ask don't tell' of any interest to you?
Fwiw I would wonder if he is gay, and you are his cover story, but maybe not.

SandyY2K · 18/01/2019 23:48

Fwiw I would wonder if he is gay, and you are his cover story, but maybe not.

I wondered too.
You hear it happening so much.

Pp are saying him being Bi is irrelevant... I disagree.

One may reconcile after an affair with an OW... but knowing he likes something you can't give him is something else altogether.

He's always going to want OM... you don't fit the bill for him.

Fundamentally he's a cheater...but his argument could be he's been scared to come out as gay.

This really is a double life.

AvocadoYUK · 18/01/2019 23:55

Being bisexual isn't the issue.
.
Him lying to you and cheating on you is!!

Doesnt matter about gender, he has broken your trust, leave the bastard,

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