Friend left me out

[Mistlewoeandwhine]

A friend that I had considered a good/close friend had a significant birthday. We spent quite a lot of time discussing what she was going to do with her deciding to have a quiet cottage break with her husband and sons. All good. Except that her husband let it slip recently that there had obviously been some kind of party requiring several crates of wine which had all been drunk. Friend looked embarrassed and slipped off to the bathroom. I acted dumb. Now I am sad and rejected. Not really at being left out but more at being lied to. I’m probably not going to say anything but I feel sad. I thought we were close friends. I would never have left her out or lied to her. :(

Couldn't it simply be that either her family or a different friendship group arranged something for her?

I think there is an issue since you said she looked embarrassed. She could have said "oh yes, we had so and so over" - I don't celebrate my birthdays with all of my friends and vice versa but we don't hide it from each other.

If it was a cottage break it was perhaps a small different friendship group and she maybe just felt a bit awkward about saying? It's not nice she wasn't honest but perhaps her heart was in the right place. It wasn't necessarily a big party with lots of people there and you were deliberately excluded.

It sounds like you're company, not a friend. Sucks.

I understand how you feel. I received a message from a close friend recently (BFs since primary school) letting me know she had drinks with our other old friend (my old BF from primary school). I was flabbergasted as I couldn't understand why I wasn't invited?! I'm not weird, moody nor tight..im actually quite fun and I live in the same area! Crazy! So I feel you OP.

That is hurtful Op. I'd speak to her because if you're going to pull away from the friendship anyway, then you've nothing to lose.

Perhaps it was, as someone said, a group of 'old' friends from school/uni/first job/particular hobby who all met each other years ago and just kept in touch? I have quite a few friends like that and I don't necessarily introduce them to 'newer' friends. Nothing sinister about it, I just feel that certain people wouldn't get on with each other and I don't want to 'dilute' the time I spend with friends IYSWIM.

Ethel - are you my friend - I have two close friends from primary school - A & B, they really have nothing in common so if all three of us meet up there just isn't much to talk about apart from a bit of reminiscing. Neither of them live near me so when I make the effort to see them I would rather just see one on their own. Friend A knew I was meeting friend B recently and suggested she joined us, I had to make up an excuse and when I told friend B I could tell she didn't really want to send time with A. (If you can understand all that ).

You could say, "so where was this party then? I'm looking for venues for myself/DH/sister (etc.)" and see what she says. Ask in person so she doesn't have time to type some bullshit response. Does she have any friends that you don't get in with perhaps? The fact she looked embarrassed when it was brought up would worry me.

Ragwort - you may well be my friend! I often meet up with old uni friends from ten years ago, we reminisce and catch up on stuff we 're doing now. We all have nothing in common but have a good laugh after a few drinks and a curry.

Hmmm so you're good enough to moan and whine to for confidential sympathy but you're not good enough to party with.....

She's a user op, don't take it as any reflection on you. I wouldn't bother with her much at all to be honest, and certainly wouldn't entertain listening to her problems.

Ethel - fortunately my uni days are nearly 40 years ago so I don't think we know each other did go to a university well known for being in a city with excellent curries .

Could it be extended family? Something she'd not invite friends to.

If she is a very private person with you such that you know little about her other friends the. this suggests to me that you are not actually close friends with this woman.

This is going to fester so I'd just say oi did you have a birthday party?