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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How much abuse should I take from this situation.

32 replies

Looxxlooxx · 18/01/2019 16:44

I was with a guy 18 months . He slept with another woman and met up with her while we were on and off at the beggining and he lied about it . He continued to communicate with her. When I found out he blocked her .
6 months later , him being jobless . He goes on a stag do that I pay for him to not miss out and I found out 1 year later through his phone that he had unblocked ‘said woman’ while on stag do . He let me piece the information together and said he had no clue as to why she was unblocked while he was in Benidorm .
I asked the woman, thinking she would tell me and she denied any contact . I then found out off my own back that they were in Benidorm at the same time . My partner knew that eventually I would find out and so came clean and said ‘I’m so sorry , I kissed her ‘ I regret it.
Since this findings it’s never ever settled . So I have a few questions that my now ex seems to lie his way out of . Did he tell me or did I catch him?

  • What is the percentage of it being just ‘a kiss’ when he’s been there before? I believe they slept together he refuses to answer why she was unblocked to message and denies messaging . He says he didn’t hook up with her when I would class snogging someone multiple times in a club alone as ‘hooking up with someone’ . Is this a form of hooking up ? He denies being intimate with her yet any form of kissing outside of the relationship with another female is intimate in the victims eyes.

Fast Forward to now . After a lot of heartbreak and lying on his part and other woman linked to him . He blocked me and moved on with his life .
I realised I had endured enough and moved on to.

After several weeks of no contact one of his friends made a pass at me and while being drunk we both made the mistake of sleeping together . I knew I was wrong as it was his friend . It was a weekend of my head finally losing its senses and when he left that weekend I blocked him from contacting .
My partner came back. Saying he had made a massive mistake with his horrible behaviour and I came clean on my own regarding his friend because I personally didn’t want him finding out from someone down the line and me being as dishonest as him . I told him . He has been asking me everything and wanting details since it . Every last detail. I’m wearing thin since I believe he did other things to me in the past and I wanted a fresh start . I was single and not wanted and he cheated . I understand he is upset . But now it’s dug up everything from Benidorm and how he sees what he did as not intimate and he didn’t hook up or sleep with her.
How much abuse should I take from him regarding something I did when I was single . I know it shouldn’t have happened .
Please could someone answer my questions on whether I should believe he didn’t sleep with that woman and whether he should be asking every question regarding his friend . I gave him as much info as I thought he should know. But all I had was ‘I don’t know why she was unblocked and I didn’t unblock her to sleep with her .
Doesn’t make sense. They met up twice and I never heard from him one night he was there until 2pm the next day. Any kind answers for my head would be appreciated

OP posts:
sue51 · 19/01/2019 09:41

Stop talking to him, there's nothing to be gained by it. He cheated, using your money to enable it. You slept with someone whilst you were single. Two entirely different scenarios. Stay way from this man and find a better one.

Costacoffeeplease · 19/01/2019 09:59

What does it matter, he’s a liar and a cheat, block him and move on

SandyY2K · 19/01/2019 10:05

Why are you back with this liar?
I don't understand when you have clear signs and experience of his wayward behaviour...why in God's name would you give him the time of day.

He unblocked her to hook up with her. Numbers do not unblock themselves. She was not in Benidorm by coincidence.

Never mind that you paid for his cheating escapade.

Just end it.

LinoleumBlownapart · 19/01/2019 10:07

Having a future with this man is like building a house on quick sand. Move on.

lumpsofitroundtheback · 19/01/2019 10:07

The only level of abuse anyone should tolerate is ZERO.

Forget Benidorm. It is all water under the bridge now.

You had already split up with him when you had a fling with his friend. It is absolutely none of his business, and he has no right to demand you tell him any gory details whatsoever. You can do whatever you like, it's nothing to do with him.

You need to permanently dump the twat and move on with your life.

Huskylover1 · 19/01/2019 10:32

Of course he shagged her in Benidorm. You sound incredibly naive. They were abroad, where you would never catch them, they both had hotel rooms.... of course they shagged. He must think you were born yesterday, he's spun you a ridiculous lie, and you've swallowed it.

It won't have been an accidental meet up either. What are the chances that she just happened to be there at the same time? Fucking none! You'd have more chance of winning the lottery. It will have been planned in advance. On your money

Tell him to Fuck Off. He is a shady bastard and he won't get any better. I was married to one like this. They don't change. Ever. (Notice I used the word "was"). He is now an Ex .....and he is cheating on his current long term Partner. Quelle Surprise.

MrsSpenserGregson · 19/01/2019 10:36

You should never take any abuse from any situation.

Block this fucker and move on, seriously.

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