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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I need yr advice !

6 replies

fuddle · 18/01/2019 09:10

I'm feeling quite tearful today its just a combination of things. I'm looking at how to deal with this simple problem. My boyfriend is coming over tonight that much I know. Its always me that asks what time and whether he is eating with me or will be over later. So nothing was said about this last night as we chatted on messenger. Of course I could just tell him that out of courtesy he should let me know when to expect him. It has not been a good week and I want to come across as assertive and not moaning. He's always saying how tolerant I am (there's a big back story to this which is for another post) so how to feel empowered and in control ladies.

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fuddle · 18/01/2019 09:12

Sorry does ladies sound patronising ?

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oiiiiiii · 18/01/2019 09:33

"Hi, please let me know what time you're round tonight and what supper arrangements are. If I don't hear from you by TIME, I'll assume we've cancelled."

And then stick to it. Leave the house or don't answer the door if he arrives.

Don't complain and don't explain - just ask for what you need and if he can't provide it, move on.

VietnameseCrispyFish · 18/01/2019 09:37

Take a bit of control back, why should it always be him deciding what time to show up? If anything it’s the host who states the time of the invite.

So tell him ‘hey, I’m free from about 8pm tonight so eat before you come over. See you then!’

Instead of just patiently waiting to find out. I’d ditch a guy who respected my time so little he thought he could just show up when he fancied. Especially in early dating!

Gazelda · 18/01/2019 09:42

Exactly what Vietnamese said. Tell him what the arrangements are. If he doesn't like them, he's free to be more communicative next time.

fuddle · 18/01/2019 16:31

Thanks for your advice, I think I'm going to see what time he pitches up. Then just very nicely say you really need to arrange with me what time you come round before hand. I must admit most of the time he doesn't eat with me but he's getting here later and later and I'm not having it. Other ways he is very attentive. So I have taken your advice, thanks I hadn't thought about me setting the time frame or the fact I'm left hanging around. But I'll speak to him and will see how it goes. Thank you .

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fuddle · 18/01/2019 16:32

Watch out for my other post which is way more difficult than this scenario.Grin

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