Becoming an angry person after abuse

[therapysessionsnow]

Been married for 8 years to a man who mentally and emotionally abused me, we've separated now and he's just moved out. I only see him at drop offs and pick ups, and even that is too much for me. I get anxiety when I'm around him, I also find it really difficult to pick up the phone when he calls me about the children, I've rather text. I don't want to hear his voice, it just triggers so many emotions. I don't like the person I've become, a person full of hatred and anger. I hate him so much, and I'm considering therapy and anger management as I don't think it's good or healthy for me to have so much hatred against another person.

Just looking to see if anyone else is in the same boat.

OP I don’t have DC with my ex but I totally get where you are coming from with not wanting to have anything to do with him and the feelings of anger and anxiety it brings having to do so.

I do anything possible to avoid seeing my ex - obviously easier with no dc. Hopefully someone with advice will be along soon but I just wanted to say I hear you and understand - do what you can to make yourself feel as good as possible about who you are. I’ve found bit by bit I’ve become stronger. Xxx

I think it's normal to be angry, both at him and probably at yourself. If you can afford some therapy, it's probably a good idea, just to talk through it all.

As for contacting the ex, that's what text messages are for. You don't need to answer his calls to communicate, and he can't insist you answer the phone. Tell him you'll only respond to texts.

My DD's father was emotionally abusive. Not once in six years have I spoken to him on the phone. I quite often ignore his texts too if he's started a new game of silly buggers. Aside from a genuine emergency (and even then) there is nothing that cannot be adequately communicated by text or email.

When arranging contact, try and minimise the amount of times you have to see him. For instance, if you have a friend who wouldn't mind coming over to answer the door when they come home, that might help in the shirt term.

This man will try to carry on his abuse and manipulation. Establishing strong boundaries now is essential.