End of the line

[Itsonlyme35]

This will be long I’m sorry 😬
I’m new on here please try not to be too harsh.
Me & my husband have been together 18 years married 9. I’m 35 years old & have 2 children 16 & 8. Yep I had my eldest at young age but we managed to beat all odds & work hard ( both full time & study ) & live a good life.
All was brilliant until November 2017 when I found out DH had an affair with someone he met on a night out. My heart broke into a million pieces it was so painful. He begged to stay & for the sake of the kids we stayed together but it’s never been the same.
February 2018 my dad who is the love of my life died suddenly aged 57. Since then life hasn’t been right. I can’t remember the last time DH said I love you, bought me flowers or shown affection.
I feel that I could just say we tried but failed, my only worry is my kids & I’m scared of being alone ( I never have been) but I know I deserve better I’m just scared to admit defeat.

Don't look at it as admitting defeat .
See it as realising you deserve better and that cheating is a dealbreaker for you.

The devastation caused by infidelity can be soul crushing and heart wrenching.

Its hard when you've been together for so long. What I see is he cheated...and he isn't bending over to show you he's worth a second chance. Far from it.

Are you sure the affair is over?

Life is too short to be unhappy!

I'm so sorry you have gone through this and then the loss of your father. I have no idea how difficult that must be. I hope you have good people around you and sought some counselling to help you get your thoughts in order.

You get one shot at this life.
Like me, you've learned the hard way that it can be cut short way too early.
Don't waste time being with someone through fear of what lay ahead.
What actually lay ahead is a great adventure.
You have always been part of a couple or a mum.
You will actually be able to figure out just who you are.
It's truly liberating!
Cheating was and always will be a deal-breaker for me as well.
As it is for many.
If you keep living this half life, then you are admitting defeat.
Grab life by the scruff of the neck and get out there and live!
You deserve the very best.
Love and affection are an absolute must.

Thank you for your replies & you are all right.
I know I deserve better & I know I can be on my own & be happy.
Will need to put my big girl pants on & just tell DH we are done.
I honestly think that loosing my dad so suddenly has just made me more aware how I feel in my marriage. He was an amazing dad I miss him terribly but know he wouldn’t want me living a life like this. X

Yes I’m confident the affair is over just think we have grown apart only difference is I will tell DH this instead of going out there looking for an affair & breaking his heart ( don’t think it would tho)

Your only 35 cut your losses and run.

Who wants to be with a cheat!

I left my husband at 35, we had been together for 15 years and married 12. I've never looked back. 6 weeks later I got together with my boyfriend and we are so happy five years on. He proposed on Christmas Day. I shudder sometimes thinking back on my marriage and what life would be like now had I stayed with ex. He'd have cheated again for sure.

@Myheartbelongsto congratulations on your engagement.
I think it will be some time before I even look at another man, after the horrid year I’ve had it’s best I just look after me & I don’t think I will be ready to trust another man for a very long time.
Love hearing stories like yours.

OP What a rough time you have had.
I genuinely think more of those who leave after an affair. For all that is said on MN, most don't. I think it takes true courage and a strong person to realise how much better life will be, instead of drawing out something which is broken and making everyone miserable.
Well done OP. It isn't defeat and there is no shame- hold your head up high and live a great life.