Hello to everyone,
I would really appreciate your opinion on this topics, as I am running out of both ideas and energy and I am really really desperate because I don't have a clear mind to make rational decisions. I will try to keep my story as short as possible. Thanks in advance for reading my story and giving me your opinion.
Long story short, my wife and me we were really in love, were together for 3 years, had many discussions about wanting a family and agreed to have a baby.
After the baby was born all the problems started and especially after many failed breastfeeding attempts. She tried depseratelly to breastfeed the baby, but some times there was a problem with the latching, sometimes it was here not producing enough milk. The baby was in a critical condition at some point because it wasnt gaining enough weight and the gp warned us that the baby would have to be hospitalised. Thats where I stepped in and offered my wife the chance to breastfeed him and after the breastfeeding to give him a bottle of milk if he was still hungry. She never forgave me that even though I saw it as a compromise 50-50.
Since that day I became literally the mother of my son and the mother of my wife. I can only tell you that I lost 20 kilos in 2 years. Dont also forget that I was working full time while she was staying at home and doing everything.
From the day the baby was born, she never did anything by herself. She started sleeping at night with the baby, argued then that it was too much for her being sleepless so slowly I was the one who was permanently sleeping with the baby.This started also before the breastfeeding. She started feeding the baby, then argued that the baby is not listening to her and gave me the feeding responsibility. So after a few months I was literally raising the kid, even though I wasnt asking for it. Even I was the one doing the dishes, cleaning the house and going to the supermarket.
Dont think that at the same time I didnt love my wife and didnt do anything that I could to make her feel strong again. I also started taking the kid to the kindergarden so that she has time for herself. I helped here send cvs to get a job, because she said she wanted to work again. I was taking her out for dinner and lunch, so that she is not trapped in the flat. I also sent her many times to a spa and bought here many many gifts. I was trying to introduce here to people and especially other mothers so that she can speak with them.
Emotionally thinking, I was kissing here every night before going to bed, was trying to hold hands, was telling here that I am there for here, was tring to organise romantic nights when the baby was sleeping and so on.
But I could sense that she was not happy. Even though I was trying to give he courage that she is the best, that I love her and so on, she somehow seemed to not care.
I did mistakes too, I wasnt a saint. After some sleepless nights in a row, when I didnt get at least a thank you, an appreciation of my actions or at least a hug, I was reacting a bit overwhelmed. Especially when she was giving me more and more responsibilities because I was burning out. When I say overwhelmed, I never hit here or swear, I was just a bit louder and tense.
Guess what happened? A few days ago she took our kid without my permission and dissapeared overseas to her parents. When I went after to find her, she had decided to stay with her parents and that she didnt love me anymore. I was talking to her the whole day, but I could see in her eyes that she had enough. She filled already a divorce, 2 weeks after she left.
Where I feel betrayed is that she never ever talked to me about what here thoughts were. I thought that by helping I would relieve here, so that she can slowly start standing on her own feed.
Could anyone of you please tell me what you think happened with here? Is there anything I can do to save the situation? Did I do anything wrong? How can I see my son from now on.
Many many thanks from a divorced and left behind father