Panicking in the middle of the night. Is this all there is

[User11110101]

Awake in the middle of the night wondering how and when I will ever meet someone.

After a few short three year relationships I’m 30s and have experienced it all - married men approaching me on a regular basis, dates where men seem addicted to travelling and working abroad, men who only want sex, men who have cheated (been married and I didn’t know initially, which was the worst) men who clearly aren’t over an ex.

It’s happened for all my friends. I’m alone (romantically) and that part of my life is shit. I don’t want to be. I can’t even imagjne meeting someone who gives me butterflies ever again. I really want to share my life with the person that’s right for me. That person doesn’t seem to exist.

Just feeling rubbish in the middle of the night and need some support :(

Everything feels awful in the middle of the night, doesn't it?

I could give you stories of my many friends who met wonderful people in their 30s, their 40s, their 50s and later. But right now I imagine that your brain isn't going to feel comfort from those stories. I am not patronizing you: your feelings aren't crazy or irrational. But the dead of night has a horrid way of creeping into your brain and making everything feel hopeless.

So I will say this: your situation may be the same tomorrow, but you will feel so much better. And then you can hear those wonderful stories, including two people I know who met in their late 50s and have been inseparable for the next 25 years, so much so that their love often feels like they're in their early 20s rather than mid-70s. (Not juvenile, just lovely and public and obvious.)

For now, though, is there anything you can do to sleep? I find myself sleeping best when I put on a book on tape, particularly one I've heard before, and I just tell myself that I'm not trying to fall asleep but instead listening. I'm usually out in ten minutes.

I wish you all the very best.

I remember feeling this way too, before I met DH. I was also the same age and had moved out of state, to get out of a very toxic relationship. I swore of sex for a year and dated very little. I also went into therapy and did some much need reflection. I didn't expect to meet DH at all. The old expression, "expect it, when you least expect it", it's certainly true. 15 years happily married , 16 years together. It just gets better. If it can happen to me it can happen to you. Don't lose hope. I went to bed crying myself to sleep many a night, thinking I wouldn't find the love of my life. It can happen, it just didn't happen the way I planned. Turned out, I needed to be more adjustable, more open to change. For instance, I thought he was too young for me and almost broke up with him because of it.

Cheer up, friend things will get better, You never know what's around the bend. This could be your year!

I agree, everything is worse at 3am. Everything.

I'm single at the moment and happy with it, although it took some time getting used to as I am almost always with someone. I'm enjoying this and holding onto my singledom for now.

What helps me is accepting some things, like meeting the right man, is out of my control. Yes, I can do online dating if I want but I've tried that and it was pretty crap. I practise gratitude a lot. I have so much to be thankful for and focusing on that brings me peace.

What will be, will be. I know I could meet someone wonderful at any time and I hope it doesn't take 10 years, but I don't intend wishing my life away waiting for a man. Life is precious and no relationship is guaranteed to last. I've seen friends' marriages end. Some very painfully. And yes, they thought they'd met Mr Right.

Yes agree with taking a long time off dating. I took 8 months off dating and men. Got healthy, concentrated on myself and seeing friends. Felt lonely and cried at night but pushed through it. By 8 months I felt more ready for it. Chatted to some online. On the one hand treated it as a bit of fun. on the other hand was not going to even meet up with anyone who wasn’t 100% what I was looking for. Met up a guy who seemed alright and thought we’d be friends. Got engaged a few months later and been married now a few years. It can happen. There are some good honest guys.

There's no hurry. You'll meet the right person when you do, and no doubt will.
In the meantime try to enjoy your life as it is and take advantage of it.

Huge thank you to people posting in the early hours!! I read them all and didn’t have it in me to reply as I was in such a state. Th posts were a huge comfort.

I am still feeling low today but miles better than I was at dreaded 3am!

Thank you, you kept me afloat when I felt desperate last night

MN at its very best.

Just feel proud of you and your DC's. That's how you can get through it.
Hugs are great but they sometimes cost you dearly. Embrace your life as it is.