Why are men such head f**ks?!

[TwinkleMerrick]

My now ex walked out on me and our 7 month old on Boxing Day. I have tried to be civil with him and he has been coming round to see DD occasionally. I started to get the impression he felt like he made a mistake, he even said something along the lines of 'if I wanted to worm my way back in I guess I would have to make an effort and date u again' which I was a bit taken aback by.

Things haven't been great, he has a substance addiction which he won't admit. I have told him in the past if he doesn't get himself sorted I would leave him....so I think he jumped before he was pushed. I got him counselling which he refused to go to. I would happily stand by him
If he got the help and made an effort to stop.

Anyway, today our DD crawled for the first time. I sent him a video which I got a one word reply to 'thanks' I replied a few hours later saying I was a bit upset that he didn't seem to care. I then got an onslaught of 'fuck off' and 'I'm not leading u on, u stress me out, We will never get back together'

I'm so upset, I didn't want to be a single mum and I feel crap about it. To then get all that when I have tried so hard to be civil and get him help. I want to kick off and tell all his family what he is really like. I'm
Sick of being the good guy! Anyway I need some
Moral support to not go mental and do something I later regret. On a day I should be happy I'm
Now I'm bed having a cry. What a dick! I hate men

He is a druggie op!
You and your precious dc can do so much better.
Dna does not make him the best option for her!!

I'm sorry but I agree with pp. He is a drug addict and quite simply not up to the job. As for his half hearted suggestion he might come back but don't expect any effort... honestly I know being a single parent scares you but you are far better off without him.

He sounds like he thinks everything is about him. How dare you criticise him? (He thinks) He got upset and angry because he doesn’t like his ego being hurt. F@@k him.

You cant make a parent care, My ex has seen my 20 month old dd 3 times. Sadly some parents dont care you cant make them.

Thanks guys, @Katgurl ur so right! I am terrified of being a single parent. @Leedsgirlfriend I didn't even think about that, what an arse to make it all about him!

@whatsthepointthen that's so sad but I secretly think I would be happier with my ex not caring, at least I don't have to worry about him wanting to have her for over night stays....which by the way Is never happening if I have anything to do with it!

I have spent the last 10 years dealing with my unpredictable, unreliable, controlling ex and only now with the help of my new husband, police and social services am I standing up to him.
Don't be like me OP. You might put all your time and effort in, bend over backwards and still be painted as the bad guy.
He isn't your responsibility.
Im sorry you're in a shit situation, I hope you can find support and happiness without him.

Nobody wants to be a single mum op, I'm baffled as to why you think being with a junkie is preferable?

Addicts don't make good parents, and he has no intention of changing that....It is what it is.

No kicking off, no crying...detach from the drama and focus entirely on being the best mum to your baby girl that you can be.

Good luck

You decided to have a child with an addict.

Of course being a single parent is what was going to happen.
Babies are hard work. And they don’t fix relationships, or addicts.

You can’t make him care about the baby the same way you do. Anyway, Women get more sentimental about these things - milestones, etc.
So - don’t try to make him interested if he isn’t.

And do protect your baby. He can ask for more contact through a court. You’ll need to show evidence that he isn’t fit.

I get what you mean but for a child not being wanted at all can feel worse, Atleast if a dad is in and out you know he somewhat cares.

You are going to have to get use to it as this is just one of many thins your child is going to do that he wont care about, sad but true.

@MMmomDD I didn't know he had a problem until after I was pregnant. He has kept it very hidden, none of his family know. You will be surprised how good addicts are at hiding it and carrying on with life. He seemed like he wanted to get help when I found out, but when it came down to it he doesn't. I'm well aware of the dangers, and would never put my DD in any harms way. Hence why I believe he has left, because he knows I won't tolerate it and to stay with me he would have to be honest about his problem.

Wise up woman! Do u really want your baby around this waster? And stop bloody chasing him he’s screaming at you that he gives not two shits, sorry but you really need some hard talking to. You should be relieved the junkie has pissed off.

@whatsthepointthen What terrible advice In & our confused and upsets the child! Jesus...

I didnt give any advice?? I said a dad that doesnt see their child at all can be even more painful to a child. My dad was in and out growing up but he always sent xmas and birthday cards so we atleast knew he thought about us sometimes. Than not at all. Like I said I never gave any advice, both are damaging! If you think a child growing up with a father not wanting anything to do with them isnt damaging then think again, they both affect children.

He sounds nasty and arrogant and if you criticise him he will deflect it back onto you. One reason is because he won’t accept he is at fault and the other reason is to put you off calling him out on his bad behaviour. The result is that your self confidence is destroyed so you think you need him more than you actually do. It’s win win for him.

Just focus on your lovely child and stay strong for her. Yes it's ok to cry, you'll feel a lot better afterwards.
My stupid exH didn't even flinch when our child cried at nights, rushed to A&E, said her first word, crawled, took her first step. He didn't even bother looking after her for a second during the day, her first father's day card she made at nursery, there was no sign of enthusiasm and these were just a few of his nastiness. I have moved on, DC is a super happy child and when I took him to court, along the lines of his statements, he claimed the child isn't his and I wished the child wasn't his given his nasty behaviour.
My point is, you are stronger than you think you are. I'm a single mum working full time, spend my weekends engaging in activities with DC, go for long drives out of town and just be happy. We don't miss the piece of shit.
You will be fine, plus you have one less thing to worry about ( his addiction, as he's not willing to seek help). Don't bother sending any more of your DC's milestones to him, he's not worth the hassle, at least you can say you've tried. X

He's not worth the effort* sounds better .

I don’t tell my ex news about his kids and haven’t done for years. He doesn’t show enough interest in them for me to bother telling him anything. He claims he is a great dad “because some fathers never even see their kids”. He hardly bothers with them at all.

Stop engaging with him. You need to accept that he's a selfish addict, and as such, he cares more about himself and his addiction than he does about your child.

None of this is your fault.

All you can do is focus on keeping your child safe and healthy and happy - and if this means keeping druggie Dad at arm's lent then so be it.

You also seem to put yourself quite far down the priority list. Your child will be happy and healthy when you are happy and healthy. This man sounds toxic, and you should be happy that he has left. Do you have friends/family you can talk to in real life?

Life as a single mum will be much easier than trying to raise a child with a drug addict. I hope you can see that.

*length not lent

MEN aren't headfucks.

Your junkie whose the father of your child IS a headfuck.

A lot of these responses are just guesses op but what you do know he's on drugs and that has to be dealt with.

You sent him a video and he said thanks and then you text back which was pointless as his priorities are wrong. In future I wouldn't bother texting again when you don't get the response you want as it'll get you nowhere.