How to move on from infatuation with married colleague

[PhillipaLalla]

Hi all, I am a regular here but I have NCed for this thread. I'd love to hear some words of advice from you wise mumsnetters!

I am dealing with a major, reciprocated infatuation at work with a married colleague. He has kids. We have been vaguely knowing each other for several months, but we really talked-talked for the first time around a month ago. 5 minutes into our first proper conversation at the pub, and it was so obvious that you could cut the attraction with a knife. Nothing at all happened that night.

A week later we went out again with colleagues, and we spent the whole evening talking and we eventually had drunken a kiss. Well, many drunken kisses actually.

Since then we both deleted each other's number and we agreed that a kiss can never happen again, this is wrong, we must stay away from each other. He said he he is confused with the way he feels, he has never felt this way about a woman, can't stop thinking about me, I am so amazing and yada yada.

So we are not in touch in any way, we are not going for drinks with other colleagues, we are not spending any time together, we cut it off completely. However I can see he looks at me in the office when he thinks I can't see it. Every time we accidentally bump into each other around the office, we try to keep a poker face but I don't think it works very well. I think we look like two silly teenagers, which is why we avoid each other as much as we can.

This is just awful. I hate the way I feel, I hate this situation. I can't think of anything else. I need to get him out of my head pronto. I need to forget this has ever happened. I genuinely don't want to act on this attraction ever again.

Please share your advice on how to move on from this type of situation

Thanks!

I work with a guy who is a serial philanderer at work. He has a knack for zoning in on people who are vulnerable, whether that be through their own marriage problems, low self esteem or whatever, and then he grooms them through in-depth talks, texts, flirting.

On each occasion he suggests that this is the first time, that the woman is special etc.

In fact he is a sexual predator who cheats on his family and everyone despises.

Perhaps try to see this guy for what he most likely is.

Yes go off actions rather than words, the above posters are right. Words are easy. His actions show that he will betray someone he made a commitment to, in his workplace, how do you think he will treat you?

Phillipa do you actually 'hate' the situation or does it excite you and give you a huge buzz? I know you say that you want to end it and that you don't want to act on it, but I'm not convinced. I'm saying this because I have been in your position and we did act on it - it led to a LOT of heartbreak (mine) and it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with.

The emotions and feelings are so intense and the fact that it is 'wrong' is what makes it so exciting when you're in the moment. I think you've already gone too far past the point where you're able to think and behave rationally but I hope you will read this and take it on board.

Please, please, please for your own sanity - run and never look back. You are not the first and you won't be the last person he has done this with, no matter how utterly convincing he might be.

This man is not a good man. This situation cannot end well. Either his wife finds out and you'll both be responsible for shattering hers and their kid's world OR you will carry on with this and develop stronger feelings until one day you realise that the crumbs he throws you are not enough and your heart will be broken.

I wish you all the best, I really hope you can put a stop to this. Be strong.

That's just horrible, playing about like teenagers in front of work folk with a married man with children, you are married yourself, talk about shitting on your doorstep, I hope your in the dark partners find out just how disloyal you both are and dump you.