Very very confused

[Dontkn]

Hi all,

This is a long one but the jist of it is my fiancé of nearly 6 years and I have split up. I wanted to work at it even though it’s not been great for a while. I’ve since found out he has moved in with an ex of his from over 10 years ago and with whom he had a child (no contact with the child for 9-10 years) and has taken his two that he has custody of which we both parented. He has broken my heart, I can’t believe how heartless he has been. My daughter adored him and I thought he adored her too since he’s been a constant father figure our whole relationship. I’m struggling to understand what’s happened. I’ve been continually thinking about it, this has been going on since before Christmas. I had Christmas all planned out for all the kids we were taking them to Disneyland the lot. My daughter stopped talking to him due to him trying to badmouth me to her, he told her all sorts like I had been seeing someone behind his back, I had ruined all the kids Christmas. There is so much more but I’m afraid nobody would read it. I feel so lost, I feel very alone and am confused I just can’t believe this has happened, I can’t believe someone I was with for so long could treat me like this and could be that crappy parent and do that to the kids too. Any words of advice??

Thank you for reading

sarahjconnor I’m unsure what I want I’m just really finding it hard to stop thinking about it and to not let it take over most of my day. I just don’t understand how he could have done what he’s done x

Sorry to hear, that's really hard. :( When you say things hadn't been great, what was going on? If he's just suddenly moved back with her out of the blue do you think something was going on for a while?

6 years is a lonmg time, hope you have some support, someone to talk to?

• long sorry

sarahjconnor
We had recently taken on care of his two children due to their mum passing away in spring of last year. Our sex life had been not right for over a year to the point I actually cried to him over it because I didn’t feel like a woman. There was some difficulty with being on the same page with bringing up the kids and as a woman it was my job to teach a lot. He just didn’t seem to be on the same page with discipline etc. There were other issues over the course of our relationship that weighed heavily, money being one of them. I invested a lot in him, I feel like I made him into a much better prospect than what he was when we got together (I’m often told that I’ve helped him on in life a lot). It just kills me that he’s done it this way it really does, there’s no contact with the kids nothing. I keep replaying things in my mind and it’s so much clicking into place now. He’s always always said that if we split he would never take anybody else etc and even on the day that we officially parted he was telling me he still loves me and that the feelings are still there but he’s going to concentrate on his kids. Not a fortnight later he breaks it to my child that he’s got someone new, lied about her name for some reason and lied about where he was moving to (her town). I feel so betrayed it’s unreal x

Sausage101
I think it clearly was going on before he moved out, I found out that he had created a fb page (he didn’t have fb due to an earlier issue) back in October, so probably speaking since then? He went out twice supposedly with friends overnight which was prearranged, however the second time he went out he even asked me how he looked and got me to fix hit buttons etc on his new jacket, I had a feeling and just knew something wasn’t right so I text and said he’s not with his friends he said he was and that he loves me and will be home the next day. I told him the next day not to come home because I need space so that went on for almost a week with the whole I’m not sure etc from him then the I love you’s and I miss you’s. Then he came back and actually chapped the door... he stayed on the couch I told him the next day that I can’t do this if it’s one sided and that he needs to go. He left within two hours x

I’m absolutely devastated, I don’t know how I’m going to climb up out of this utter darkness, the shame and hurt I feel are absolute out of this world. The stabbing pain in my heart at the thought of them together, him sharing himself with someone other than me is crushing. I feel so ugly fat and disgusting I can’t even explain it

Speak to your GP about counselling to help you over the breakup. Tell him or her what you've said here. Speak to friends or family irl about how you're feeling. It's not for you to feel shame - he's the one who has behaved shamefully. Take one day at a time, and reassure your DD that she is loved. It will get better eventually, but nine years is a long time to recover from.

Thank you. I keep telling myself that the person I thought he was all this time doesn’t exist but then that kills me because who even was he? Who did I spend all that time with? How can someone do that to someone they’ve shared so much with? X