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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Letting go of the past-but the damage was done

3 replies

bagpuss90 · 16/01/2019 18:58

I posted on here twice a year or so ago. My partner was still having a close relationship with his exes. One he was spending half his week with, cooking cosy meals with, going dancing with, texting while he was out with me, argued her right to come on holiday with us. He wanted to spend the night with another ex who he had enjoyed an on off sexual relationship with for years. He swore he would be in the spare room and I was worrying needlessly. I'd suffered a mild stroke and was struggling in certain areas (still am slightly)I love dancing, I still do, I was pretty okay at it, but the stroke affected my coordination a lot. He felt the need to tell me what a fantastic dancer his ex was. Talk about knock me back. Anyway I finished with him, fast forward a year , we are back together, he has apologised, tells me he loves me, wants us to have a future together. He said he just wasn't ready for another relationship back then. Though some of the stuff like not texting the ex when he was with me would in my book be basic good manners and respect. We've had a holiday together, spent Christmas together and we get on really well. He now has very little contact with these ex partners. He said he needs to know where one is as he still has a massive stake in a property with her - fair enough .I trust him now. However his behaviour made me feel like a pile of shit, my confidence was low due to the stroke. I have improved a lot. I'm back at work full time running my own business. But even now I feel pretty inadequate, useless and worthless. I think he regrets the way he carried on - but the damage was done. I wish I could let go but I'm struggling. He never compliments me - that doesn't help. I just feel quite broken really. I don't know if I should finish with him again (that would really upset me ) or try to work through this

OP posts:
NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 17/01/2019 07:46

Would you try couples counselling?

Itstimetoscream · 17/01/2019 07:49

Oh I really hope it isn't a case of a leopard never changes his spots in the future for you. I also agree with counselling but I think you can do better.

merrybloominchristmas · 17/01/2019 07:51

why did you get back with him?
you broke free!

dump him- and focus on yourself-building yourself up in every way

there are many wonderful men out there-you don't have to learn to forgive someone who has treated you badly

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