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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Married men always come on to me

25 replies

User11110101 · 16/01/2019 18:22

After ending a relationship in late twenties (now early 30s) I have continually been approached by married men, mostly at work. Some have been blatant about it, others I find work closely with me over a period of time (it’s a project based job and continually mixes up the dynamics of who you work with every few weeks), then declare that there’s a spark and they want me either sexually or for something more. One of these people I dated for a few weeks only to find he was married when seeing him confidentially at the weekend in a coffee shop, with ring on finger and kids next to him! Others I’ve met in the same industry but not same company, either at meetings or seminars, and I will often get a LinkedIn message from them asking me out or a piece of paper passed to me asking for a drink. A lot of the time these men don’t even hide that they are married which I find really offensive and makes me feel like shit...am I only good enough for that?

I feel kind of deflated. I’ve met people online dating but I’m drawn to ambitious people generally and there’s plenty of them in my industry.

Spoken to a friend about it and she says I’m very flirty by nature and it’s possibke I give the impression I’m interested even if I am not. Does that give married men the right to behave in this way? Because I am outgoing and personable does that put decent men off?

Feeling fed up and wondering if others have any experience of this.

OP posts:
User11110101 · 16/01/2019 18:23

*coincidentally not confidentially!!!!

OP posts:
Littleraindrop15 · 16/01/2019 18:26

Your friend is victim blaming.. 😒

Op those men are scumbags and its not your fault, I think perhaps checking dating sites etc might be better at meeting à potential partner. The only thing that you can do is say 'I'm sure I'll run that by your wife' am sure the tune would instantly change.

Don't let this get to you x

MissLanesAmericanCousin · 16/01/2019 18:28

I have yet to see a post entitled Married Men Are Always Running Away From Me! Why is that? Hmm

toffeeapple123 · 16/01/2019 18:33

Same happens to me. And I'm definitely not a flirty person at all!

These are just gross men. Not all men are like this, but many are sadly. Poor them and their poor wives. What a sad life to lead. So gross and tacky.

Ginger1982 · 16/01/2019 18:52

🙄

tierraJ · 16/01/2019 20:13

Im single & it happens to me a lot too, especially with the surgeons & anaesthetists at work. I'm friendly but not flirty at all.

I feel like now I wouldn't trust any man at all.
Especially not in the medical profession!!

User11110101 · 16/01/2019 20:35

I’m in a totally different industry and thought it was just mine!

Maybe it’s just men who are high achievers. Think it’s their right or something

OP posts:
Katgurl · 16/01/2019 20:41

Yes. I think you may be right but I don't really care what the reason is. I just blank them. Disgusting.

MixedMaritalArts · 16/01/2019 21:06

Sometimes Chaps have such a high opinion of themselves (particularly if they are high achievers IME) it never occurs to them that your opinion would differ, irrespective of their ‘current’ relationship situation. Always looking for the next opportunity. Utter chancers the lot of them!

RealEyes · 16/01/2019 21:13

I had a conversation about this with a male friend a few years ago.

He said it's because these type of men, see it as a challenge. The excitement of trying to get you. (Pathetic)

SilverySurfer · 16/01/2019 21:34

I think you'll find this happens to most women. I used to tell them I would be mentioning their inappropriate behaviour to their wives and they tended to wither away - utterly predictable and pathetic..

Loka123 · 16/01/2019 21:45

I know what you mean - ridiculous how many married men ACTIVELY try and cheat... they seem to put more effort into the courting process than single men do!

YogaWannabe · 16/01/2019 21:49

This is commonplace. You’ll find they’re doing it secretly to most of the single women. It’s vile and so are they.

JoyceDivision · 16/01/2019 21:51

MissLanesAmericanCousin

I have yet to see a post entitled Married Men Are Always Running Away From Me! Why is that?

Well I can scare most men off without trying BlushGrin

Obsidian77 · 16/01/2019 21:52

Well done for having the good sense to see that sort of shitty behaviour for what it is.

NameChangeNugget · 16/01/2019 21:53

It’s all about the chase and sex.

percypeppers · 16/01/2019 21:58

I used to be a PA and this used to happen to me a lot when I was in my early thirties and single. It was very depressing. I used to call them out on it though.... "but I thought you were married?! NO, I'M NOT INTERESTED THANKS VERY MUCH."

Thankfully baggage-less single DH came along and the rest is history.

I retrained and now work for the NHS. Most of my patients are in their 70s and 80s and none of them have come onto me.... Grin

CaptainCabinets · 16/01/2019 22:01

@pervypeppers

The 80 year olds are the worst for flirting Grin

CaptainCabinets · 16/01/2019 22:01

Omg @percypeppers even

What a typo GrinBlush

BertrandRussell · 16/01/2019 22:05

Don’t worry. When you hit 40 you’ll become completely invisible.

apintofharpandapacketofdates · 16/01/2019 22:06

Zero experience of this. I'm 42. Never been asked out at work/by colleagues, married or otherwise.

You sound insightful OP. Don't change!-

percypeppers · 16/01/2019 23:52

Ha ha! I am definitely not pervypeppers!

flintfoxy · 16/01/2019 23:55

I've a friend who is single mid 30s and the amount of attention she gets is unbelievable- it actually seems like the men in question think they are doing her a favour SadEnvy

flintfoxy · 16/01/2019 23:55

All are married I meant to add

Adora10 · 17/01/2019 00:07

Happens to a lot of women you need to be very assertive if not slightly cold because yes I think your flirty nice manner is giving them in their stupidity the impression you are interested. Start bring slightly reserved you’ll soon notice less offers.

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