Finding time as lone parent

[Januaryschmanuary]

I have managed what I thought was the impossible and met someone I really like after being alone for a few years.

I am on my own with 7 year old. He also has child same age who he sees regularly. We live about an hour apart. I also work full time.

It's been a couple of months and we had a lovely time when off work over the holidays but it's all back to the grind and I'm wondering how this is going to work.

I have my ds every night apart from Fri and sat eow. He has his ds every Fri and every sat too eow. So those weekends I've spent alone for years and was hoping to share with him are looking tricky.

I saw him for couple hours in the pub last weekend when I had babysitter which was lovely but I guess I want some intimacy. We haven't actually had sex yet which is making me a bit insecure.

Maybe it's just a slow hurdle and it will all work out eventually but I'm feeling upset that I was meant to see him this weekend and now we're not because he didn't realise he is having his son.

It's obviously great he's a good dad and all that, I'm just feeling really wobbly about it all. Last relationship was mentally abusive so I probably have some trust and self esteem issues as well! Ha.

Am I on a losing wicket?

Can you both somehow manage to get the weekends, that you are both free, the same? So at least 2 weekends a month you have together? Then a babysitter once or twice a week to meet up?

I can't ask anything of my ex as its extremely fractious with a court order involved. I don't know if new guy would change. Part of me, illogocally, is telling myself that he's not as into me as I am him but I think that's the fucked up mentally abused me talking. I am a bit scared to ask in case I sound demanding or needy.

I wouldnt ask him to change his contact time that isnt fair on his child tbh.

Talk to him about the possibility of him changing the contact weeks to match yours. I don't see the problem.

Seriously why on earth can't contact weeks be changed? The children still get same amount of time!

OP - I'm a widowed parent with young kids. I had one relationship with a divorced guy for two years - he had his kids every weekend- so he came over Sunday eve and one night in week when kids in bed.

New relationship of 4 months now. He lives an hour away. He drives up for dinner and drives home again once a week! And sometimes my kids go to grandparents and I decamp to his.

You just figure it out.

I am trying to just relax a bit. Been horrible week of pmt and this whole relationship thing after so long has taken me by surprise.

I appreciate replies. He has said that his arrangement isn't that rigid after all so hopefully it'll be OK. I've been solely focused on being a mum since my marriage ended. Ds dad has had a string of women he's introduced to Ds so I'm trying hard to do things right. It's good to hear that maybe it is OK to ask my guy over when Ds is asleep. Is that what people do? I haven't yet introduced him to Ds. I think it's a bit early maybe.

I just really want this to work out. It scares me that I really like him though. Very hard to feel vulnerable like that after my ex.

I do OP. If you trust him as a safe person and you make sure DS never catches you kissing or more then he's basically just a mate round for dinner if DS wakes up.