Hi everyone - name changed as I feel humiliated by this, so don't want friends and family who are on mumsnet and might know my username to see.
DH and I have been together for almost four years, married for 18 months. I'm 40 and he's 39, and the last year has been difficult as we had a stressful house move and unsuccessful IVF.
Things are stable now and we're happy in spite of not being able to have kids etc. But our sex life has dwindled to nothing. We both have an appetite as when we've talked we've both admitted to using porn as a masturbation aid so I don't think it's anything physical. In the beginning our sex life was great - I could tell he found me incredibly attractive and I loved that; it made me feel great about myself and our relationship.
We've talked about the issue quite a few times and he insists he thinks I'm pretty etc., he just doesn't feel "that" way towards me anymore. It's the old cliché of feeling like brother and sister. He doesn't get hard when I cuddle up to him naked, he doesn't seem to think I look sexy when I'm dressed up to go out (no wolf whistles or flirty stuff from him - ever) and I just know in my heart that he doesn't fancy me anymore. He's admitted that he doesn't feel the inclination towards me anymore but doesn't know why.
I've tried coming on to him; I've tried backing off completely so that there's no pressure on him, I've tried buying sexy underwear and putting it in a little gift bag, and asking him to keep it and give it to me when he's horny and I'll dress up for him - it's been three months and in spite of a couple of teasing reminders, he's never handed me the bag.
I think I have to accept now that it's decision time - do I stay in a marriage where I don't feel desired, fancied, loved in a sexual way? Or, given that everything else is great (friendship, fun, responsibilities etc.) accept that you can't have it all?
It's so sad and hurtful to know that your husband doesn't find you sexy anymore. I feel so down about it - I just want some physical intimacy and to feel loved and special.