My friend always has an excuse not to see me.

[Mumtochicks]

Hi, I have a friend who I adore, we've been friends for about 15 years and have been through so much together. I've always been there for her no matter what she's going through, and she's been through a lot. I have to admit we've drifted apart slightly over the years through us both having children but kept in contact and when we've met up had a great time. 5 months ago she split from her partner who she has a child with. I often offer to meet her for a drink and a chat , message her to see how she is. But when I ask her out for dinner, drinks on WhatsApp I see she's read the message but then it takes her about a week to get back to me with an excuse not to come. Sometimes it's on the date that I've arranged to see her. I feel as though she reads the message then takes her time to think of an excuse not to see me. Shall I continue to reach our to her or leave it now for her to contact me?

Sorry just to add, she's goes out with other friends as I see it on her social media.

I would be inclined to leave the ball in her court and stop contacting her. Find other friends to go out with, she sounds like hard work.

Ive got a friend like this. It’s always me doing the suggesting and she inevitably cancels. I’ve realised she probably doesn’t really see me as a priority in her friendships or what she chooses to do with her spare time (I don’t use cocaine: she and all the people she sees regularly do), and I’ve stepped back a bit. Ball’s been in her court for about a month now...

It’s really sad when this happens. I had it with a friend in my 20s and I called her out on it and somehow it has been turned in to “that time you were really horrible to me for no reason” in her mind and of those she talks to, so I wouldn’t recommend that.

If it were me, I wouldn’t message at all anymore. I would feel a bit sad about it for a while, but get on and find other friends who aren’t so fair weather. She’s probably engulfed in a new circle of friends, everything is shiny and new, she’ll come back to you eventually when all that wears off and by then you won’t feel so raw about it and you’ll be able to talk about it rationally and be friends again, but a bit more reserved with how much time and emotion you put in. The friendship will be more equal. And if she doesn’t come back, well, she wasn’t worth the worry x

If she's just broken up with her partner she could be feeling depressed or just not wanting to go out with other people - especially if you are still in a functioning relationship; maybe she doesn't feel in the same club as you any more, or is afraid you'll talk about your happy life. If you didn't use to contact her much and are now doing it out of pity, she might not want to feel pitied, as it's just a reminder of what a shit life she has right now. Or, as she is now a single mum, she may be feeling resentful that you can go out whenever you fancy, and are asking her out despite it being hard for her to organise. Or maybe she is just taking the breakup as an opportunity to start anew and drop some old friendships she's grown out of touch with.

Whatever the reason, personally I'd drop a message saying that I hoped she was OK, and to get in touch if she did want a chat. Then leave it.

I would just let her know that you are there if she wants to meet up or needs someone to talk to, after that I wouldn't message her again. It sounds like you have tried.