will this work for them ?

[higgyhog]

He is over 70, married for 38 years with grown up children. She is 54, a single parent and devastatingly attractive (obviously not me). He has some of the problems that come with old age and poor health but is a reasonably attractive man. She has never been married, has not been able to maintain a relationship and her chidren's father left her when they were small. They are having an affair in the town where both of them live and say they love each other. She doesn't want to live with him and he is telling her he will tell his wife and arrange to live alone. They have been creeping about with this relationship for 3 years, he lies to his wife about going away rambling at weekends and goes off with her. What will happen to them?

I’m intrigued by this man in his seventies with three women on the go.

I really don't want to say anything about him being attractive now, I'd rather remember the not so nice bits. Body not good, although not overweight. nice face, no hair, he had some false teeth but was very charming ( sleazy bastard) and had the most lovely voice.

I think he's a C-lister. Someone like a veteran news reader or minor actor. I'm picturing someone with a career not unlike that of the urban legend Fred Dinenage for some reason (no offence, Fred), but without the values or talent.

Yeah, so much in love, so happy, but she can't trust him to get a coffee with someone. I wouldn't worry OP I don't think it's going to be a rosy relationship.

Possibly Alan Partridge minus his wig.

Yes, a C lister if that. Former TV journalist, played support roles in lots of police dramas and wrote for some crap TV potboilers. His wife has to work full time as his work has dried up, while he does very little indeed or as he put it to me "I only take parts that I want to now" Yes, 4 tiny roles in the last 8 years where if you blinked you would miss him.

Um, your bitter is showing.

Just let it go, find a replacement who meets your needs and doesnt make you do weird stuff you didn't even enjoy.

You might find you need someone extra in your life, rather than him in your life.

It's over and done with for you.

Best thing you can do is forget it, move on and have a good life, not navel gaze about if it is going to work for them or how much better she is.

Time will help you process this but you have to want to move on.

Look at it like this. A stunningly attractive woman in her 50’s who is single and never married is possibly like that for a reason, and it might just not be somply down to crap men!
Re the sex thing my grandfather in law never consummated his marriage to his 2nd wife (het ideA) and they were together 20 years!

Presumably she knows he was two timing her as well for 3 years so she is the mug for putting up with it.

Though if I remember you are also married so cant really claim any sort of moral high ground.

She turned up at lunch because she's so insecure in this set up that she couldn't trust him, what a fantastic life she's setting herself up for.

Threatening to destroy your life? She needs to watch a bit less Dynasty and he needs to get a hobby or a bloody shed.

And you need to get out of this situation and ignore the pair of childish beggars.

He was two timing you? What about his wife? Was this the vaguely famous guy from the other thread?

Um, your bitter is showing.

Hell yes!

Who gives a flying fuck if they do or don’t get their happy ever after. He was in a relationship when you got with him, whatever is going on with the current OW it no way excuses you. Your story only serves to show how many gullible women there are out there. I mean seriously!

Thank you for insightful comments,yes I'm the only one with a nice life outside this. Hard for me as I'm usually more astute. I really am recovering from this day by day and very soon it will stop taking up so much headspace. I will not be going down this route again for sure.

Well, you leaving has created a vacancy.
Leave them to it, move on, and try to stop caring.
Easier said, I know.

I remember your previous post, please tell me you're not still having sex with him?

Why on earth are you still obsessing over this?

Take it in the chin and move on for the sake of your mental and physical health.

Hes absolutely revolting.

Why do you care? Did you really consider the devastation to his wife when you were the OW.

This. Can't understand the sympathy for the OP. He cheated with her then on her, can't see how it's a surprise. When you choose to get involved with married people and cheat or be the OW you get whatever you deserve in the end.

I always seen it said if they'll cheat with you they'll cheat on you... Maybe find someone unattached to anyone else.

I think you should just forget about the details of his relationship with anyone else, how happy he is or isn't and what the prognosis of his future is, focus on yourself. Use the therapy you said you're in to work on better morals moving forward.

No, no sex since before I found out, totally finished. I'd love to know the end of the soap opera but that s not to be. I will be over it soon, nearly there.

Well done for not falling back into the trap, you've done the right thing.

Unfortunately some people don't grow out of the behaviour he is exhibiting. Think of it this way - at least you won't be to blame when it all goes belly up for him, which it inevitably will at some point!

He sounds like a piece of work. You're lucky to be free of him.

His marriage has never been consumated

Please tell me you didn't believe this?

The thing is, you and he cheated on his wife, now he and his current woman are cheating on his wife and you. So I guess you shouldn't be surprised. Block him and get on with your life.

I think I remember you.
You both had this as a distraction from your respective marriages. Bit of an escape. Infrequent meetings.

Surely you can see that that arrangement isn’t necessarily exclusive. And very opportunistic too.

If you wanted more frequent interaction, and he couldn’t. And an attractive man came up and wooed you - you’d have moved on too.
Just the nature of these relationships.

An affair with her is easier and works best for him.
If you are missing an illicit partner - it’s not that difficult to find one closer to home.

Not sure why this 70 is such a draw to anyone. And especially a young and attractive 52yo

Part of the reason for posting again about this is my struggle ( now nearly resolved) to make any sort of sense of this, it has been like being in Alice In Wonderland where none of the norms of real life seem to apply. It was 8 years of my life ( although very few hours and days) but it occupied my thoughts a lot and the email exchanges were always supportive and friendly as well as displaying desire and affection.
He pleaded with me not to contact the OW because that was how we both found out we were being cheated on. His almost hysteria about the possibility of me contacting his wife ( which I wouldn't do anyway) really leads me to suppose the biggest lie of all was this nonsense about the non consummation of his marriage. I never believed that but never pondered it as it was of no relevance to me in any way. I'm very grateful to everyone on this thread who have made some of the points that were emerging in my head anyway. He had never shown me who he was before and now I have seen I do believe that. He even admitted using the same bondage kit with her as with me.... just too yucky for words. I'll keep that in mind to keep me on the straight and narrow. Yes, if I was minded I'm sure I could find someone else, but for the time being I'll be working on my body in the gym, my marriage and my newly rediscovered old hobby.

He showed you who he was as soon as you cheated with him.

I don't know what you find so surprising that he spun you a web of lies, cheated with you, cheated on you and doesn't want his poor wife to know.

What are you finding so confusing?