Thinking of leaving my husband

[Beck08]

I have been with my husband for 13 years , married for only 9months , I can’t stop thinking of how I want to leave him, we haven’t been getting on, there’s no affection between us (at all) , we constantly argue , he is the sole provider I don’t work (his choice) I am desperately trying to get another job but this only raises the tension already in the house , I have child , my partner is never in the house I have raised this issue to him a number of time nothing ever changes , the only problem is where I live all my partners family do aswell I have literally no1 my parents are 20/25 mins away! What can I do .. I can’t go on like this my child notices me upset more than my partner, I just want a happy life me and my child

I don't see why you cannot leave, your parents are not that far away. Would they help you?

I know it isn't easy and a lot depends on finance. For a start, do you jointly own your house or rent?

There's no reason why you cannot find a job in the future, all depends on your skills but there are training courses available.

Honestly, I can't imagine why you married him after all that time, there must have been cracks in the relationship before, however you are in a better position as a married person.

Good luck to you, please get some professional advice and let us know how you are getting on.

Why can't your parents help if they are only 25 min away? Is he the father of your child? How are they? Why doesn't your dh want you to work?

My parents can help, with eg childcare if I did get a job, but at the moment (health wise ) I do not want to put the strain on them, they only have a small house aswell and my sibling still lives there so I couldn’t just leave and go there, I have had many jobs over the last 13 years all of which my
Partner has made me leave , as he thinks I should
Be at home 24/7 for our child even though his at school all day , yes there were some major cracks before the wedding but as it had been booked for so long in advance
I did see any other option, i shouldn’t of gone along with it but my child idolises my partner (when he’s actually home) also where I live it’s like suffocating with his family they love it I don’t work ( none of them ever have ) and expect me
To be the same im so upset all the while and he doesn’t even notice , the house is rented via local authority

I'm sorry you are going through this, that's horrible. Do you think you could make the relationship work, maybe by seeing a counsellor or trying to think of ways to rekindle the love that was once there?

If you definitely want to leave you need to prepare for that. I would keep job hunting. If it's causing tension keep looking for a job without mentioning it. If like you say nothing changes in your set up through his initiative, you are completely justified to be the one that changes things. Find a job, work out a child care set up, and tell your husband that's what's happening. He either likes it, or you can still consider leaving.

I don't really understand your point about your family though. You say they are 20/25 min away? Where I live (London) that would be incredibly brilliant! I don't know anyone whose family (or even friends) live that close. So therefore I don't really get what you mean. Why is that far away? Are you unable to travel that distance? Not trying to minimise your point, but honestly in my world this would be amazing!

If you say you can't go on like this, don't go on like this! Even if it's hard there is a way out, you may just need to dig deep to find it. x

I no I could keep the house but it’s the issue of all his family being on the same estate I’m not from
This area originally either it’s known for high anti social behaviour within younger community, this has always been issue, he always promised he would move for the sake of our child as I’ve always wanted to move, when I accepted the house I was 8 months pregnant and literally would of took anywhere just to have a home for my child, I’ve been stuck here ever since, everything seems to be so hard I said I was leaving him a few years back and his family
Turned up to my house to say what stuff they where having as he had paid for it all
So why should
I get to keep it ..

Aw bless you , please will you get some professional advice - a women's help group or Citizens Advice Bureau? You can't go on like this, being so unhappy.

Your partner's family have no right to possessions that you and he jointly own; you have a child together and the fact that he may have paid for more 'things' than you is irrelevant.

Have words with your council housing department and see what your chances are of being rehoused, maybe nearer to your family so they can help with child care and you can get a job.

I really hope it happens for you, Beck, and wish there was some way I could help.x

Thanks so much , I have spoke to council today their going to get a housing officer to call me but they said there not promising anything as I need to be in band 1 to be priority I'm only in band 3 , I think if I could get a job and get out the house I would feel better but I can't leave him until I do as I would have family here all the time he would also no I would have no income and use that to his advantage, I just want a quick fix and i no it's not going to happen like that. I've let it go on too long to get anywhere , I've changed my screen name just incase he finds this

We haven't spoken In 5 days! I need a way out I told him I wasn't happy and that I think we need a break he's totally ignored me and now it's just silent in the house , I actually don't know what I'm
Supposed to do now I can't jus up and leave my house with my son and leave him to the house car and dog. But I've found out about some small lies nothing major but little things and getting me even more adamant to leave but I jus have no where to go :(

I have finally spoken to my parents (only briefly) sort of told them going to explain the rest tomorrow, it's definitely over I don't want to be in this relationship any longer, I explained this to him last week he took
His bags for all of 12 hours then came
Back and refused to leave even though the house is in my name he knows I'm surrounded by his family
Who would make it extremely difficult, I have also got a job interview Tuesday I'm
Hoping this is a start to a good week! As I feel
So sorry for my child all they have saw this week is me crying and upset. They have been so lovely and even said let's just go away mom for week dad might leave then. Poor child I've gotta do this for us both now