Please hold my hand

[JarlBalgruuf]

Left an abusive relationship a few months ago and I'm in such a better place than before. I'm so happy with my relationship with my baby and I've just started to try and repair relationships with my mum and my friends who I wasn't allowed to like before I left my husband.
I just feel so sad and alone now. I havnt felt like this since I was an angsty teenager before I got my first boyfriend. I want to go to a club and kiss strangers in the dark but I know that's not my life now. Its been so long since I felt loved and cared for and I'm doing ok with the self love and care right now but it doesn't help this feeling. I just want to lie in bed with my pregnancy pillow but i cant because of responsibilities. I just feel aaaaaghgggghhhhhhhdjdjhwhejcjsoqpvjewhc and I don't know how to deal with it.

Hand hold And well done on leaving and setting yourself and your baby free!

I’d go with bed and hugging your pillow if it’ll help right now. Hot water bottle? Something nice to eat or drink. Clean sheets on your bed and star fish just because you can!

Things will get easier.

But you are loved and cared for, by all the people your husband cut you off from that you're making new contact with again. And by your baby! I left an abusive relationship a few years ago and you do doubt yourself at times. Not every day is going to feel easy. As long as the overall direction of travel is the right one, it's all OK. When the time's right, there's nothing stopping you getting back out there to find love - or even snog strangers in the dark in a club, why not!! Have you got anyone you can meet for a coffee and a natter tomorrow, work through how you're feeling at the moment?

Hand hold here too

You’ll get a chance to kiss strangers in the dark again, just give it time.

Well done on finding the strength and character to make this positive change for yourself.

Aww, handhold to you. ✋
I second going to bed and making yourself really comfy.

Hand hold and huge congrats to you for having the courage to leave. It’s all upwards from here.

Thanks everyone. It's just shite. I've been feeling so positive recently, actually kind of happy at times, especially since I refused to have any more direct contact with my ex. My friend who's 3 years out of an abusive relationship has only just started seeing someone and I don't know how to be alone for that long. I didn't feel any real closeness for at least the last year of my marriage. Probably only had sex 5 or 6 times in that period (shit unfulfilling sex). I spent most of my teenage years feeling so unbelievably lonely and I cant do that again. It's not like I even want a relationship now, and know getting involved with anyone now would be a bad idea. Not that theres anyone I could/would get involved with. I'm just so full of contradictory emotions. (Sorry I know this is total brain vomit)

You won’t repeat your teenage years. You aren’t there anymore: you’re older, a mother, you’ve proved to yourself you can do a very hard thing for the best reasons. Be proud.

Occasional loneliness is a part of life for all of us but you can build things up and in time you’ll be flying along happily.

You’re reflecting, regretting, processing what’s happened and you feelings are all over the place - totally normal.

There are awesome things to come

Handhold for you op.

I'm in a similar situation. Not long out of a very long abusive marriage and it can be scary at times. But I am trying to stay positive.

Have you had any counselling? It can be very helpful. Also accepting that sometimes you will feel rubbish can be useful. I find mindfulness really helpful to remind me that all feelings are important and valid but also temporary.

You are grieving the end of your relationship and it's a necessary step in order to heal.

When I feel like awful, I add 'for now' at the end of the sentence. 'I feel lonely for now' or 'I feel sad and unloved for now.'

Sending you hugs and strength x

Forgotmycoat I had some counseling from my local woman's aid but I think I need to go back. Adding for nowto feelings is a great idea! Thank you.

I am now in bed looking at the stormy clouds go by outside. I'm glad there are always strangers on the internet to help people feel better. Thank you.