DD has been with her fiancé for 5 years. They’re both mid twenties and have been living together for a couple of years.
The things I am concerned and scared about have been building up for a while but she cannot accept that some of his attitudes and actions are a worry. She says they’re happy most of the time and that’s what counts. I am worried about her future after seeing and hearing some of the things she’s told me.
1- on Facebook, he shared an article about a man who’d attacked his pregnant wife and ended up in prison.
He then wrote something along the lines of ‘I hate how it’s always the man in trouble. I think his wife was abusing him too but he’s not telling the police so he doesn’t get her in trouble’.
I was absolutely disgusted by this.
2- he and DD have agreed that he will work and she will stay at home when/if they have children which in itself is ok.
However, he has said to DD that should they marry and divorce one day, they will not be splitting assets equally if he can help it.
He says that looking after the home and children does not equate to deserving 50% of everything in a divorce. He is however still keen that she stays at home!
3- he messages women from work and does not hide this or the messages. DD has seen them and they’re work related so she has no worries about cheating.
However, whenever DD gets a message on her phone from me or anyone else, he apparently ‘jokingly’ says that he hopes it’s not a man because he wouldn’t like that as DD ‘would definitely cheat’. DD has no history of cheating as far as I’m aware though some of his own past actions have been questionable....
4- another Facebook one. He shared an article about a multi millionaire having to pay thousands in child maintenance per month.
He argued that this was unfair that the multi millionaire would have to hand over thousands of dollars to his ex for their child.
DD told me she criticised this view and said that the father was rich enough to fund a good lifestyle for his child and he has a responsibility. Her fiancé said that it was unfair and that the millionaire who makes millions every year shouldn’t have to pay more than any other average joe! He said that the mans ex was obviously grabbing money to fund her own lifestyle.
5- when they first started living together, she told me that they had an argument which resulted in him warning her to ‘keep her mouth shut or else’ while raising his arm to punch her.
Please help. I just don’t know how to get through to her that there’s more to life than this.