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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

(PTSD) Did you ever call a mental health helpline over every day issue

21 replies

Flyingfish2019 · 15/01/2019 14:23

Dh has ptsd and he is not in a crisis or anything like that... but nevertheless I consider calling a helpline because I need to talk about some everyday issues. Is that daft? Did you ever do something like that?
Horrible to say and I am quite ashamed but I might be crying when I talk to them about some minor issues.
I have always been one who cries easily ad that minor issues stress me a lot. Again: is that daft? Do you think they will made fun of me. What has your experience been like?

OP posts:

Bombardier25966 · 15/01/2019 14:32

What kind of mental health helpline? Are you ill as well (it sounds like you may be), if not why are you calling?

There are peer support services that would help someone having mental health difficulties (which can make everyday issues very overwhelming), but it would not be appropriate to call (for instance) the crisis team in such circumstances.

What I would say is that many resources are extremely overstretched. I would never discourage someone from calling if they are in distress, but I would be sure that the service you are using is appropriate, and that your minor issues are not taking resources away from someone in crisis or extreme distress.

Original poster

Flyingfish2019 · 15/01/2019 14:34

One for spouses of people with ptsd.

No, I don’t think that I am mentally ill. At least I have not been diagnosed with something.

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Original poster

Flyingfish2019 · 15/01/2019 14:36

I guess I want to talk to them because I hope they tell me that dh will be okay in the long run and that he doesn’t need to be safed by me.

I noticed I get really stressed by things I cannot change.

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Original poster

Flyingfish2019 · 15/01/2019 14:55

I think I need to talk to an expert but dh is not okay with me talking to his therapist.

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Original poster

Flyingfish2019 · 15/01/2019 16:53

Bump

OP posts:

Gazelda · 15/01/2019 17:10

I don't think for a minute that they'd make fun of you. I imagine they'll be understanding and sympathetic to your situation.
If it is a helpline specifically for spouses of people who are suffering PTSD, the I think it would be very reasonable for you to call them and explain how you are feeling. Tell them you don't think they're the right resource for you to call frequently with minor issues, but could they recommend anywhere that you could access for some support? Maybe try to find your own therapist?

Original poster

Flyingfish2019 · 15/01/2019 17:16

Oh, sorry. Now this thread is double. I posted on AIBU because I thought nobody is answering any more.

Thanks for your answer. I guess do not even need a therapist. I think I really only have this one question.
So I do need to see a therapist regularly but it would be nice to talk to somebody professional once for May be one hour (would also pay for it/donate). Has somebody been there. What did you do?

OP posts:

fuddle · 15/01/2019 17:21

What help is your partner getting?

Original poster

Flyingfish2019 · 15/01/2019 17:22

CBT, he was on medication but he tapered it off.

OP posts:

greenberet · 15/01/2019 17:38

Have you spoken to your GP about this - you do sound as though you may be struggling which Is quite understandable - they may be able to refer you or suggest someone to talk to.

Bumblebee39 · 15/01/2019 17:44

Maybe try a carers helpline or one for relatives?
You don't have to have a mental health problem to use a helpline or to get counselling, although I imagine that you are dealing with stress at least. I mean, it's difficult being the spouse. There are support groups for carers/family members etc. For that very reason.

Equally I'm sure if you ring the Samaritans they would be kind. They are sometimes a bit useless/unhelpful but generally well meaning and kind

Justthoughts · 15/01/2019 17:53

I have and they are very helpful and understanding. Granted it wasn't for PTSD, but my partner unfortunately had a psychosis last year.
I think you will be very surprised by the understanding and support you recieve. Anyone I have talked to has stressed the importance of help and support for family members. After all you need to be able to support your loved one.
In our area they even have free support groups for next of kin. You can come and talk about help in regards to helping your spouse the best as well as how you are feeling and coping - anything really.
It helped me a lot and I would definitely enrourage you to reach out to any helpline you can - regardless of how silly or minor thing you feel like you are struggeling with.
Loving someone with problems like this can be very difficult and you need all of the help and guidance you can get - especially from proffesionals.

WeeWheels72 · 15/01/2019 18:40

I have PTSD, over 20 years now. You need to phone where he goes to, and ask if they have someone who helps and deals with families for PTSD. No-one will laugh, having PTSD is terrible, frightening and life changing, its the same for someone living with that person. You need to be able to understand it, deal with it, and learn how to look after yourself also. I have had EMDR treatment, and my god my life is so much better now, maybe look it up for your partner. Remember you are an amazing person, being with someone with PTSD is hard, your doing great. I wish you luck :)

Original poster

Flyingfish2019 · 15/01/2019 18:52

Thanks everybody. Dh is ex mil and I know they have a helpline for spouses and others have suggested that I call them but I know typically only people in crisis call them and they have limited resources.
So maybe I call another crisis line... but I was not sure if it was a good idea to call them because of everyday issues.

OP posts:

Skiphopnjump · 15/01/2019 19:14

OP in the nicest possible way, you sound as if you don't think you are worthy of their support. It doesn't matter if it is perceived as a small, everyday issue - it is evident that it is causing you a lot of upset and anxiety and there is a dedicated support available for you. Use it! Even if it's just to ask if they can direct you to other resources.

You are worth the time and energy and resource.

ladybee28 · 15/01/2019 19:36

I know typically only people in crisis call them and they have limited resources

Typically only people in crisis call them because everyone else feels (like you do) that their issue isn't 'big' or 'bad' enough to warrant calling.

But I promise you, having worked on the receiving end of these kinds of calls for a long time, whatever you have to ask or share is perfectly valid.

It's not too small, and it's fine to cry, and you're allowed to ask for some help. You matter too.

Original poster

Flyingfish2019 · 16/01/2019 09:19

Thanks a lot for the replies and I have another question. I do not want to be an illoyal Spouse, am I being one?
One thing I would like to discuss with them is how dh sometimes overeats/sometimes does not eat anything at all. Would that be an okay question to ask? Another question is about liquor... he is not a drunk... but I am sometimes worried about this. Would this be an okay question to ask?

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pog100 · 16/01/2019 09:35

OP, please stop worrying about what is okay and just call them. It's clearly what they are set up and funded to do and it's surely ok to ask them about anything that's worrying you. You are trying to do your best to support him, they will do their best to support you in this. To be honest the amount you are worrying about this makes me think you should see your GP to get your own support.

pog100 · 16/01/2019 09:39

I'm sorry if that sounded hard. You sound lovely and trying to do your best for your husband. You also sound a bit afraid of his reactions which is worrying. I think you really would benefit from some outside help, so please reach out

ladybee28 · 16/01/2019 10:01

@Flyingfish2019 – the first step to being a great spouse is making sure you take care of yourself. You can't be a loyal / supportive / strong partner to your DH if you're feeling low, scared and alone.

So you might choose to look at this as the best way to be a LOYAL spouse to your partner – asking the questions you need to ask in an anonymous, safe space on a helpline, and getting the support you need, in order to be the best version of yourself for him.

With the eating issues and the alcohol, you're getting informed, which is a very responsible and loving thing to do. The people on these helplines know all about mental health issues, and they've spoken to so many people that they know what's normal, what's not normal, and what to do about it.

From where you're sitting right now, all you can see is your own situation, and you don't have the answers to those questions, so of course you're worried. Calling a helpline is a way of you getting informed, so that again, you're well-taken care of yourself and in the best possible position to then take care of your DH.

Does that make sense?

Original poster

Flyingfish2019 · 19/01/2019 00:45

Yes, it makes sense. Thank you very much.

I haven’t called Therese’s because I am still gathering my courage but I will do so next week.

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