What to do?

[MissMsMrs]

Hi, I’m a long time lurker, first time thread starter. I’ve been in a relationship with OH for 3 years, over this time his behaviour towards me has changed a lot., he still has his good moments- he’s been investing money into a hobby that I’m looking to make a career out of, handles a lot of the finances etc. But I’ve seen messages where he’s messaged other women flirting etc at the start of our relationship. He says that was his friends, not him. He’s blocked me off his instagram account. Doesn’t allow me access to his phone without being closely monitored. He also does little to no tidying, expects me to be his cleaning/cooking slave. Despite all this and how obvious it is that i should leave him, I just can’t. I’m young, little to no support from family- i’m a loner and have no friends. He is literally all I’ve got. I just don’t know how to approach leaving the relationship. Whenever I try to talk about any issues we’re having he gaslights me, acting as if I’m crazy. I just need help- please

Please don't sell yourself short. If you have no support network, start to build one. Study something, volunteer, meet new people. Then when you are feeling stronger Ltb.

How old are you, if you don't mind me asking? And how old is he?

It's not fair him expecting you to be a domestic slave. How did that come about?

Do you have any friendship with people you used to go to school/college with? Could you look into reconnecting with some of these?

Being so isolated is not healthy, and it sounds as if he has manipulated you into this. He does not sound like a very nice person at all, and unfortunately, he's got you exactly where he wants you.

What do you want? Do you want to leave? You could call Women's Aid and ask for advice? (You don't have to be a victim of domestic violence).

The very first thing you need to realise is he's not literally all you've got. You've got yourself and within yourself you have far more strength than you realise.

Instead of figuring out how to overcome a seemingly momentous task why don't you set yourself one goal for this week - text someone and ask them to meet for a coffee. Just to remind yourself that you're not alone.