Think my ExH has a girlfriend... handhold please

[namechangedbutneedadvice]

Just that. I stopped following him on social media straightaway but my family and friends who still do occasionally tell me things. Some photos I saw this week of him on a long haul holiday suggest that someone else is taking the photo and his Whatsapp profile picture certainly looks like it's taken by an intimate friend...

I know looking at his social media doesn't help and I generally don't. It's just made me think that regardless of the fact that he was an adulterous knobhead and I never want to get back with him EVER it will still hit me hard when I know he has someone. Especially as there are our two DDs involved.

Any wise words MN?

Ugh OP, if ever there is a time for big girl pants it is now. He is no longer your concern and that is a good thing. Some other poor woman has taken him on. Rejoice.

For me this was an even bigger watershed than separation and divorce. It finally freed me to put myself centre stage. I decided I wanted to hear and see nothing about his life, so it was a great chance to weed out people who seemed to like to tell me what was going on, even though I didn't want to hear. I got rid of all his final remaining stuff clogging up my house and cut all ties with his family. Admittedly this was easier than it might have been as the DC are adults. I got rid of social media. Overnight. Don't miss it. I started dating.

I suppose what I am saying is: embrace this moment.

Just block any social media contact rather than unfollow, including Whatsapp...delete him off there. And tell family and friends you don't want to know anything about him at all. I've said this to mine. One friend works with my ex and I said, unless he is dead, I don't want to know anything about him and his OW.

Handhold OP!
I would suggest that you write down all the things that you really dislike about him/how he treated you...treat yourself to a little something, do something fun with your DDs, stop following him on all forms of social media and inform family and friends in no uncertain terms that you do not wish to hear about him. I get that it sucks but you will get through this

I mean block! Rather than unfollow x

There really isn’t a handhold here, he’s nothing to do with you now.

Focus your energy on making your life as great as possible

Tell your family to stop talking about him.

He was never going to be on his own forever.

Focus on you and your DC... build a better future and be glad he's not your problem any more.

Thanks all... I love MN wisdom. You're right... aside from being DDs dad he's not important anymore.

Onwards....

There will always be a setback when you see something new. I listened to this guys youtube video recently when I saw my ex had updated his whatsapp (I had him blocked but was going on to delete our old chat before new year to start afresh.) It really hurt me seeing a new photo, and made me start thinking about everything and it was sort of like having to process it all again.
Thing is, it isn't about him any more, it's about you. This video I have found valuable (even though the guy makes me want to fall asleep), but he mentions how we are always going to think the worst and maybe we're right but maybe we're wrong. Who knows if he's got someone new, but what are YOU doing with your life because that's more important than questioning his.

It's something I still have to practice - putting myself before thinking of him. It's actually crazy how much you can realise that we are prioritising someone else and thinking of them over thinking of us.

Give it a watch.