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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can I get trust back?

3 replies

MermaidMother · 14/01/2019 22:45

I've NC as I've posted about my story before but don't want to link to that.

Short story is out of the blue DH told me he wasn't happy and left (we have small children). Over a few months we started rebuilding our relationship with a bit of counselling and just making effort with each other. He's now back home and on the face of things it's going well.

My problem is that I've completely lost all the trust I had for him. We've been together a long time (over a decade) and I've never had a reason not to trust him. But his behaviour was so hurtful so not only do I not trust his feelings but I'm also questioning everything he does (in my head, not to him) as I still wonder if there was someone else involved when he left. (Overwhelmingly that was what I got told on here however he's always denied it and I have no proof).

I don't want to get into whether he did cheat or not but rather if it's possible to get our relationship back to where I can trust him assuming I'll never actually know. I desperately want to make our marriage work and keep our family together.

Please be gentle!

OP posts:
Lozzerbmc · 14/01/2019 23:04

It sounds like you dont really know why he left? Has he opened up to you about it?

MermaidMother · 14/01/2019 23:14

He's given me reasons but it was so sudden and followed this "script" that everyone on MN seems to know(!) that I was told someone else must be involved.

Maybe there was but he is adamant there wasn't and I don't have proof. I do have suspicions but that now twists everything so that every time he's on his phone I wonder who to? Whereas before all this I'd never even wonder iyswim?

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 14/01/2019 23:27

What was he like to you during the separation? And before it.

My fear would be he'll go again when he's not happy and for that reason inside me...I would be holding back from giving all of myself to him.

I wouldn't trust him not to do it again. It's the out of the blue announcement and leaving that I find unforgivable. No discussion or attempt to work on it.

Are you still having marriage counselling? Is he open and transparent with his phone?

I'd be thinking the cost of divorce and child support brought him back.

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