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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

PARTNER MOVED OUT! DO THEY EVER COME BACK?

12 replies

Lei3 · 14/01/2019 22:34

4 weeks ago my boyfriend broke up with me due to fighting almost daily. We spent the first few weeks doing with him still coming over each day and taking our daughter to do our usual family things together. That was giving me mixed signals b/c he was saying we could work it out, sleeping with me still, etc. All was looking up until a huge fight last week, and now he says he is done, I should move on and he is much happier. He says there is zero chance for us to work on our family as I am manipulative and have shows him no love and affection for years so it’s too late for me to try now. Very strained, angry and limited contact this past week at all, only with regard to our daughter. Anyone ever have their significant other change their mind and come home? He’s been living at his moms for the past four weeks

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 14/01/2019 22:39

With all the fighting what would be the point of him coming back.

It's not the environment to raise a child in and is damaging.

Learn to coparent..and grieve the end of the relationship.

It sounds toxic.

Flatbellyfella · 14/01/2019 22:42

Thats no way to live your life ,arguing every day. Let him stay with his mum, seeing as he is her child. Move ahead without his tantrums.

Original poster
Lei3 · 14/01/2019 22:48

Thank you for the replies. Helps to just get it out and vent. im trying to reach the point that I realize i'll be fine alone, just so very scary. I don't understand why he's not moving mountains to save his little family

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 14/01/2019 23:41

You posted this yesterday.

He might well be trying to save his child’s childhood by not staying in a relationship with someone he considers manipulative and horrible to him. Away from each other you can both try to be better parents.

What have you tried to save your relationship?

Fighting every day isn’t normal or healthy and it’s no environment in which to raise a child.

And when a woman leaves a man who showed her no affection and was awful to her, no one accuses her of having a “tantrum” Hmm

Original poster
Lei3 · 15/01/2019 00:10

I’ve tried family counseling to include my child and have tried correcting every single thing he felt I was not doing. He has severe anger issues and was looking into anger management, but never actually signing up. The problem is that he blows up on anyone who tells him anything that he doesn’t like. I jsut think that instead of leaving and breaking up the family, it would be worth a try for him to work on some of his own issues. The fact that he won’t try is what hurts

OP posts:
AornisHades · 15/01/2019 00:11

You keep posting but you need to accept he's trying to end it.

LemonTT · 15/01/2019 00:50

I’m sure he does have issues. But your obvious issue is why do you want to be in this toxic relationship with this angry man?

You can work on that issue just without him. Start agreeing co parenting. Stop sleeping with him. You are adding to the toxicity if you keep trying to have a sexual and emotional relationship.

SandyY2K · 15/01/2019 00:51

I just think that instead of leaving and breaking up the family, it would be worth a try for him to work on some of his own issues

You have no control over his decision. He may be doing what he thinks is best for him.

He may not think the relationship is worth saving.

Original poster
Lei3 · 15/01/2019 02:02

I guess tHats what I’m in denial about. Having she’s time moving on. Trying to spend quality time with my daughter and focus on me. Just don’t feel any better yet

OP posts:
Changedname3456 · 15/01/2019 07:20

If he’s got anger management issues then he’s really better off trying to work on that away from what’s aggravating him. At the moment that’s you / aspects of the relationship.

You need to stop sleeping with him and put arrangements in place for your DC, finances etc. It’s difficult; nobody likes to feel rejection, or that they’re not worth fighting for.

everydaymum · 15/01/2019 07:41

You need to forget about him coming back and get used to a peaceful house being your new 'normal'. Once you're used to being alone with your daughter then think about if the fighting etc is worth it. However if he has no interest in coming back you need to move on and realise that there's someone better out there for you.

Original poster
Lei3 · 15/01/2019 15:54

yes, it is much more peaceful now. she cries and asks for him to come back constantly so I just try to keep her busy and let her see/call him when she wants. I guess my new goal is accepting its over and finding ways to move on, rather than waiting/hoping he will wake up and come back. I just feel weak

OP posts:
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