Children and Finance

[Nina1202]

Hi All,

I wanted some assistance with a children/ financial matter that I am experiencing with my husband (soon to be ex). We split up in October 2016 and are currently working out children, finance and the divorce. I am a high school teacher.

In October we agreed a parenting plan that allowed the children to stay with me, but see him regularly on weekends and on holidays. As part of this he agreed not to consume alcohol when with the children. However, I am certain he is not complying with what was agreed. The children say he takes them to the pub, and he sits there drinking what he calls ‘apple juice’. I know this is not the case as he has an alcohol addiction problem. He drives the children around drunk. It has now got to a point where he has dropped the children to school late. The children are scared to admit that he is consuming alcohol out of fear that it could have wider repercussions for me and them.

He has deliberately left his job which is reducing the child maintenance he pays and we will be going through financial proceedings shortly to split assets etc. He is being awkward and not allowing me to negotiate a new mortgage deal, which means I am paying an extra £250pm on the mortgage unneccesarily. He also has his eyes on my pension. I have now gone into overdraft and am struggling financially.

• Is there anything I can do regarding the mortgage to lower it?

• Any advice on how I can catch him out or prevent him seeing the children knowing he is consuming alcohol when with the children? Going to court will be a costly process and I do not have a lot of funds left.

Thanks for your help in advance.

Nina

He has broken the terms my consuming alcohol whilst with the children, so surely you can just withdraw contact? I would never normally suggest that, never, but he's risking their lives by driving them drunk. He would have to take you back to court, is he likely to bother?

I suppose you should ask your solicitor about the legal ramifications but you absolutely can't send them if he's risking their lives.

There's nothing you can do about him purposefully leaving his job, although what sort of shitbag doesn't pay his ex what she needs to keep the children's lives running as smoothly and comfortably as possible.

Regarding the mortgage - while it's joint you would need his permission to make any changes, could form part of the financial negotiations.

Thanks for your comments.

I would need evidence to support he consumes alcohol while with the kids and drink drives which is difficult.

He would take me back to court as for him it’s about hurting me and not the children.

It’s a very difficult place to be when I am struggling for money and he is about to play the system in order to benefit from me at the financial proceedings.

I think that ultimately it would have to be a court order, but Citizens Advice will be able to talk you through your options.

Do you have a solicitor handling the divorce?

I really think, in matters this complex and this serious, you need proper legal advice.

Hopefully someone will be along who has been through it.

Also, it might be useful to post your questions on the divorce/separation board.