Sympathy words

[ettiquette]

ExH was abusive, dc hasn't had contact with exH for approx a year (exHs choice)

Any communication is incredibly stressful

Private number called this morning (I block exH) and message by him left to say that elderly relative has passed away

I was once close with relative but haven't seen them in 5-6 years and dc hasn't for probably 1.5 years

I've no idea what I'm meant to do, send a sympathy card? Call? Send flowers?

I don't really want any contact whatsoever with exH but I also don't want to disrespect the relatives memory. They also just sent dc some money for Xmas which I hadn't yet sent a note thanking them for,

Panicking as I don't want contact but did care for this relative a lot and they were very good to me many years ago

I wouldzsend a sympathy card

Does this relative have a sibling or next of kin that is closer than your ex? When my exmil died i sent exfil a sympathy card, they were truly lovely people unlike their son. I sent him nothing, couldnt even bring myself to offer condolences as he was awful when my mum died and we were married when she died.

Thank you, is it bad form if I don't send one directly to exH but perhaps include his name and send it to his dm?

Is there anyone close to the elderly relative - a spouse or another sibling - that you could send the sympathy card to?

Don’t include his name. Send it to ex mil from you and your son.

I've been thinking I could send to my exMIL I have no contact with her either though (I presume she's been told a pack of lies about me by exH) I was close to her and initially tried to maintain contact but it's awkward all round and last I heard were rather unpleasant things she had said in a row with my dm. She doesn't seem to want contact with my dc (her gc) either but sends birthdays and Xmas money

If I do the wrong thing it will just cause major upset all round which is why I'm panicking how to handle it. Tbh I was surprised to even be informed of the passing but since I have I am guessing they do expect an acknowledgement

I'd just send a sympathy card to exmil and leave it at that.