Anyone elses partner work away from home?

[itaintme]

Just wondering if many of you other netters have partners that work away from home and if so how do you find it?
Mines is away all week every week and may get an odd night home once a blue moon. At the beginning of it all I didn't mind, I kind of liked doing my own thing and looked forward to the times I was getting to see him, but now I'm finding it really tough for some reason, it's taking its toll on me and feel really lonely..
He works away because the pay package is good, but I'd rather have someone here to support me and give me their love and affection and just receive a normal wage.
I explained my feelings to him but he just sort of responds with "but if we want to be able to get married and things like that I need to make better money".. that sounds nice and all... But he hardly ever has any money worth talking about saved? He has that many debts to pay he has to pay it off them every month. So for me, it really is pointless, he lives in dream world. I haven't noticed any benefits yet.

I'm scared that our relationship may end because I have never felt this way towards him before.. am I just being selfish?

My XH worked away for most of a year. He’d come home once every 3 weeks for a couple of days. We both agreed on the move because it would help him advance his career, so a necessary evil. As it was, he got a taste of freedom (nothing untoward, just having only himself to worry about, free time for hobbies etc, a nice tidy house with no kids and no noise!). And I got a taste of independence, realised I could manage without him and that actually when he was home all we did was argue. It was the beginning of the end for us

I’m sure some couples manage to make it work, but you need good communication when he’s away and teamwork when he’s home.

My current DP works away less regularly. We FaceTime every night and message throughout the day when he’s not here.

It did get a bit much at one point and I told him what happened with my ex and warned him we were heading the same way. I would miss him dreadfully for the first week but then after a while longer I got used to him being away and it would take me some time to get used to him again when he got back, he felt like a stranger to me. Plus he had to split his time at home between his DCs and seeing me, plus still working during the week. He was being pulled in so many directions and something had to give, which usually ended up being me.

He had to make a decision to reduce his work trips or split up,as it wasn’t sustainable for me. Especially as we aren’t married etc so his work success isn’t directly beneficial to me, as it would be if we were married and planning for a shared future together. Making the sacrifices of a long distance relationship without any of the benefits was just too much.

He’s away at the moment, but as it’s less frequent and the trips are usually a week or less, it’s much more manageable.

Sorry neither of my stories are very positive! Hope you sort things out. How long have you been together and has he always worked away?

You aren’t being selfish at all - LDR are very hard and this could well be a make-or-break time for you.

My DH has been working away for the last part of 2018 and will be spending big chunks of this year away too. We will make it work because:
a) we communicate well and we’re veterans at spending time apart for work;
b) he’s enjoying being part of of a very dynamic new work environment;
c) I have family, home, animals, a hobby and a job I love to keep me happy and busy.

That said, it’s still really (really) hard for us both.

Money wasn’t the driving factor in our situation but there are significant financial rewards involved. So I completely understand why you’d be upset when you’re seeing no tangible benefit.

Is there a time-frame on your OH being away? Any options for using the time for yourself? Study, hobbies, volunteering etc?

What stands out for me in your post is that your aspirations seem quite separate, especially in relation to finances and long term goals. You appear independent but invested.

It’s not “we” have debt but “he” has debt. Yet you go onto say you don’t feel the benefit it his working away as a couple. That is odd to me. He does have to clear debt to save. How do you propose he does this if not this way?

Basically for this to work you need to look at your partnership and your relationship. I feel sorry for you both but more him. He is bearing a lot of responsibility on his own to get you both to a better place. Working away is no picnic.

My DP works away Mon-Fri and travels 6hrs to get home; he leaves at 4am every Monday (poor sod). He's worked around Europe throughout the 10 years we've been together so I'm used to it and he does have longish periods at home between contracts. It's unsettling for both of us at times - I have my routine which takes him a while to adapt to and he has a stressful office based career so finds it hard physical work to shovel horse shit at 7am!!

We chat on Whatsapp several times a day and talk on the phone every evening which, IMHO, is hugely important otherwise we lose our connection as a couple.

I work away quite a bit. Not always away away, but I work long days with a 6 hour total commute (3 hours each way). I do generally come home because we have 2 dc and I want to see them, but sometimes I do stay away to work longer or just save myself the exhausting commute.

I think the things to think about are: does he have to work away? Are there options closer to home? Could you all move to make his work commutable? And does it work out better financially?

I work in a very specialist field. There are no jobs in my field that are close to where we live and we don’t want to move for lifestyle reasons (jobs are in London, we want to live in the countryside). Financially it works to our advantage, even with the extra costs. But I think more importantly, it’s a matter of balance. I work away 3 days, am home the other 4.

I think it makes it different if he’s just out on a jolly and saving no money, and if it’s affecting your relationship.

My DP is in the military and his current base is a 3.5 hour drive away. He stays there mon-fri (sometimes gets away Thurs night). To be honest I think it's harder for him than me, most of the people where he is working live locally so they all go home to their friends and family after work and he can't. We chat every day on WhatsApp but to be honest not too much as we like to have a big catch up when we get together. It does put big pressure on weekends though, and there are times when I wish we could just have a random midweek evening together! But before this he was 5000 miles away for 7 months so this is a definite improvement...

Thanks for your responses, well.. he has been working away now for two consecutive years, however he was getting back at the weekend, which was ok, I enjoyed seeing him. He's not working in the same country now ATM..we always have communicated well before.. text eachother throughout the day, face time blah blah.. but now it's limited as his signal and such things is so shit all day as he's underground , so he can contact me at night only when he gets home..(around half 9) the days feel really long not talking to him, my child misses him and I know he does miss us aswell..we are together 10years..
I just don't want to feel this loneliness anymore though , just wondering is that a sign that I should truly ask him to put an end to this being away thing.