In-laws don’t like me!!

[MediocreAtEverything]

Has anyone had issues with their in-laws?
I love mine, they’re awesome. But over Christmas they think I lied to them about something: and I absolutely did not yet they told me they didn’t believe me. It’s such a long story but the crux of it is: I don’t lie.

I feel really hurt : and they keep group messaging me and hubby (just general chit-chat) and I don’t really want to respond, like everything’s fine and normal. But I can’t ignore them either.

Has anyone else been in this situation that can shed some wisdom?

Tia

Yes. I love my "in-laws" mostly... But my "father-in-law to be" causes so much friction at times. He accused me numerous times of walking past him and ignoring him when I drive past him in the car and what not else.. he makes me out to be a hateful bitch, but then Infront of people he acts as if we get on so well and that he is so proud of my achievements? Talk about confusing. I'm beginning to really distance myself from his family which is a shame, but it's literally the only way I can avoid having a massive explosive row as I've been biting my tongue for too long 😥.. so maybe you should do what I do.. AVOID the cause of the problem if they aren't willing to listen to you. 😪

You have to get to the bottom of this, op. It's not right they think you lied when you didn't, possibly a misunderstanding. Let them know how hurt and awkward you feel about it and get husband to back you. They'll believe you and will be sorry they misjudged you.

Not been in this situation, but feel you should nip this in the bud, otherwise it has the capability to escalate. Is there any kind of evidence you can bring to back you up and tell them you do like them but this misunderstanding makes you very unhappy and will make them unhappy if you don't clear things up? Agree DH should back you up and if possible get them to apologise so you can get things back on an even footing.

My ILs are not my biggest fans, but I found things easier once I realised MIL was super critical of everyone and no one pleases her all the time, including me.

My in-laws hate me, they disowned dh when he asked me to marry him, I forgave them and for dh invited them into our lives when I was pregnant with our ds. Unfortunately they hadn’t stopped hating me, continued for years to try to get dh to divorce me. For a plethora of reasons I went nc with them seven years ago, dh followed suit and we have been happily married ever since - we only ever fought over his parents.

Your situation sounds different though, why after a previously healthy relationship which I assume involved trust, do they suddenly disbelieve you? Is your dh involved? Or someone else telling them that you have lied? Or could they be gaslighting you?

Are they narcissists? Controlling? Abusive to your dh in any way?

What do they think you lied about?

Not quite the same but sort of similar I guess. Early on in our marriage, my MIL was told some complete nonsense about me by a mutual acquaintance and it caused quite a problem as nobody really mentioned it to my face.
I found that the only way to sort it out was to take her for dinner, sit down and explain that what she had been told was a lie and that I was feeling really hurt that she hadn't spoken to me about it before believing it.
We get on great now. I'm a real believer in just getting everything out on the table before things get bitter.

Wonder if someone else has been in their ear with an agenda of their own. I think we need the story.

Yes!

My partners family are very complicated people. I get on well with his dad & stepmom. But his mother hates me. He no longer speaks with his mother, simply because the woman is evil to the core, she attacked me while I was pregnant & tried to push me down the stairs simply because she was not happy attention was being taken away from her.

Nowadays, his aunt doesn't like me. His aunt has always been like a second mum to him & they reconnected when he fell out with his mum. (Basically his mum has shut him off from the rest of their family for years). They reconnected and everyone was getting on really well. I used to meet her on a regular basis and we'd go for a nice lunch and do a wee bit of shopping together, then a couple of months ago it all stopped.
I've since found it this is because, everytime myself and my partner have a disagreement he would run to his aunt and play the victim. Making me look like the bad guy. This has turned her against me and now she barely communicates or speaks with me unless it's to do with my daughter or him.

I'm a very strong minded individual & im not afraid to tell people like it is, I've always been this way so when I argue with my partner I call bullshit when he's doing it, so him running to her and playing innocent, making out like I've started the argument has turned things in my relationship with her.

I could say yes I don't get along with my in-laws and quite frankly I couldn't care less. If they don't like you that's THEIR issue not yours. As much as you'd like them to get along with you and you have a good relationship with them, sometimes it doesn't work that way. I'm not saying don't try, that's your choice x

When MIL upsets me, I sometimes remind myself she is her own worst enemy, always taking offence at nothing!

I was really gutted when we first got together at MIL really didn't like me - I'm not the greatest thing since sliced bread or anything, but I'm used to getting on with people because that's what I generally do, and I am/was hardly a disgraceful partner for her son to shack up with, but it was an issue for her that I went to a state school and grew up in an average wealthy suburban area rather than a more 'classy' one like he grew up in. We otherwise had exactly the same kind of upbringing culturally and socially, so I did find it quite funny that MIL seemed to think I was 'marrying up'.

Initially when we were together she was still trying to matchmake him with public school girls who worked in the City, but she got quite a lot better after we were engaged and it was a done deal (it was same for SIL). As I said, I have accepted that she's off with everyone in her life at some time or other, and sometimes that's me.

When my FIL had had a stroke he said about MIL ( sadly now died ) - she hated everyone.Which he was not accurate about but she she pretty much only liked / loved her children unreservedly . She did not like me particularly until I had her grandson & then we very often got on quite well. Actually she was OK and an engaging and clever woman. I just wasn't good enough for her son , until I was. I miss her