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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH doesn't respect anxiety and I want to leave

3 replies

Nottonight3390 · 13/01/2019 21:15

I may be being irrational here, but this is how I'm currently feeling.

I suffer with anxiety since the birth of DD1 (4.5y) it never fully went away and have recently had DD2 (3m)

This week has been particularly tough as DD1 has developed a UTI (went GP Friday and on antibiotics) , Friday night DD2 started coughing and she has now developed a cold,which is in her chest, she coughs a lota s I can hear her wheezing when she is awake (not when she is asleep)

Tonight I said I was feeling particularly anxious about the wheezing and said to DH I'm.worried about her wheezing and breathing. He said she doesn't need a doctor right now see how she is in the morning...I got a bit upset (irrational) and said it's just that I've got asthma and know how horrible it is to be wheezy and he basically shut me down saying "yeh yeh yeh we all know how it feels to be wheezy (eye roll) DD2 is fine she's got a cold if needs be we'll take her GP in the morning"
I got a bit anxious/upset by his shutting me down and I said why do you have to take this stance with me , ive got anxiety I'm worried etc (it was morethe way he said it,rather than what he said)

The he went into a tyrade about me having anxiety and basically calling me a hyperchondriac and brought up the ONE episode pre-children where he had to take me to hospital following a chest infection that flared my asthma up,he was basically making out that I overreacted. He put on a silly voice and threw his hands in the air saying "oooo ive got asthma and I've got a cold oh no it's a medical emergency"

Completely taking the piss out of me basically

This was in front if DD which I'm not happy about. She asked if I was okay (bless her)

When DDs were in bed I said to him I'm not happy with the way you just spoke to me in was trying to relay my concerns ... He just said "oh right all my fault" I said I was only asking u notto take that stance with me and he basically just shut down and when I said why are u ignoring me he said coz ur acting like a dickhead.

I'm feeling really stressed with two unwell DDs and add anxiety on top of that I feel dreadful. I've already hospitalised both my DDs in my head.

Since the silence started an hour ago I now just want to LTB

He is generally quite good with DDs, well mainly DD1 he's taken care of most of her needs sinceDD2 arrived, he's not a particularly affectionate DH, well, he was at the beginning of the week when he wanted sex, then immediately after he's gone back to being a moody bastard.

I'm wondering if I'm feeling like LTB because my anxiety is so High with 2 unwell DDs , I don't want to make any rash decitions
I feel like if I try and bring this up with him again tomorrow all he's going to do with bring up when I had DD1 how 'terrible I was to live with' and 'how it's all happening again' (I get so upset when he does this as it was just my anxiety creeping in and as it was new to me I didn't know how to handle it, so I'd come downstairs from putting DD1 to bed and see he hadn't bothered clearing away her toys or setting up for next day (big problem for me anxiety) or I had a go at him for microwaving breastmilk. by the way these are VERY small things in comparison to what he has a go at me for for pretty much every other day since we have lived together.

OP posts:
MMmomDD · 13/01/2019 22:28

It’s hard to tell what’s going on there - seems like a long history of something on both sides.

As someone who had a PND and anxiety - I know how hard it hits you with babies. And when they are unwell too.
However - you must also realise that it does make you irrational and hard to be around.
And you can’t use it as an excuse for years. You need to get help.

Have you been checked for PND given that you are only a few months post partum?
Anxiety is one of the possible symptoms.

And i’d wait until you get some help with your psychological well-being - before you make any big decisions, you really don’t know if it’s your illness talking, or if the relationship is really broken.

allaboutHR · 13/01/2019 23:52

Do you practice Mindfulness/breathing techniques OP?

Are you on any anti anxiety meds?

Had any CBT?

AgentJohnson · 14/01/2019 03:48

He sounds like a dick. However, it’s interesting that you chose the word respect with regards to your anxiety. It sounds like you expect him to pander to your anxiety and just because you may have chosen that path, doesn’t mean he has to.

Your H was rude and childish but it sounds like you underestimate how exhausting living with an anxious person can be and it’s very hard to sympathise with someone who has a tendency to catastrophise.

What professional support have your had for your anxiety?

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