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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Ex throwing the court card at me

15 replies

Stacy88 · 13/01/2019 16:28

New on here 🙈
I was with my ex partner for 12 years happy bought a house have a daughter together and two years ago he went to work and never came home no reason or explanation to why until I found out he had been cheating on me and living a double life, cut the long story short we carried on having a “ sexual” relationship ( I no I’m stupid) I still let him see my daughter regularly and I done plan so that my daughter knew when he was coming and so did he also changed my shift pattern in work so it’s better for him! I think I was fair 3 days a week to have contact, he’d only show up to one a week, my daughter is nearly 10 and had refuse point blank not to see him now where he’s let her down so many times I’ve tried everything possible for her to have contact with him even said I’ll pay her! I’ve recently changed my number because the abuse and mental torture I was getting from him has made me ill I was doing good for the whole 10 days he wasn’t able to contact me until Wednesday I received an email from him saying he’s been trying to call and text me and this was my final chance to respond and that he’s put a c100 form into the courts and posted me a letter? I foolishly rang him straight away asking why he has done this and he said he hadn’t done it yet but the email says different 🤷‍♀️ Non of his family have bothered with my daughter either and that’s no fault of mine I shouldn’t have to chase people to want to have a relationship with her and all of a sudden the grandmother wants to take me to court for access as well! Can I have some advice please I’m not sure if he’s calling my bluff just for me to react which I did or what 😑 xx

OP posts:

AttilaTheMeerkat · 13/01/2019 16:38

Stop responding to him directly. I would seek your own legal advice here asap.

All contact ideally should have been arranged through a contact centre when you separated. He has simply and will continue to mess you and in turn your DD about, he knows too well how to keep you on a string. You were indeed stupid to continue to have a sexual relationship with him, you need to ask yourself some harsh questions here as to why that happened.

His family all seem very much of a similar nature i.e they are also nasty sods. He is still trying to control you and in turn your DD as well.

I would not worry unduly about the grandmother, she would have to prove that a relationship with her granddaughter would continue to be beneficial to the child. The onus is very much on her to prove this and there seems to be no relationship anyway. Grandparents rights to their grandchild are not automatic in this country.

Original poster

Stacy88 · 13/01/2019 19:07

Thank you for your response.
All my friends and family has said he’s trying to still control me and lately I’ve opened my eyes that’s why I changed my number,
I have seeked legal advice numerous of times and my solicitor has said sit back and wait, after all what he’s done cheated, lied and so on I still gave him access regardless of the situation and what he’s done.
Thank you once again x

OP posts:

C0untDucku1a · 13/01/2019 19:11

Try to get everything in emails so theres a paper trail of his shittiness. He doesnt need to speak to you directly anymore. Do as you solicitor says and wait... and assume he cant be arsed to go to court. Why would he? You never prevented contact!

MissMalice · 13/01/2019 19:13

If he applies to court, he first has to apply for mediation - so you’ll hear from the mediation company first.

Starlight456 · 13/01/2019 19:16

I would not be offering my dc money to see dad.

If your advice no’s to sit back and wait do that.

I would also say with my ex there was a concern and he stopped contact . My solicitor just said the longer he doesn’t bother the better. So I didn’t contact at all.

Original poster

Stacy88 · 13/01/2019 19:30

Thank you for your reply, really helps iv been so stressed out about it because iv Done nothing but try my hardest for him to have contact with my daughter and get a bond with her x

OP posts:

Original poster

Stacy88 · 13/01/2019 19:33

The only reason I offered her money because of the constant abuse from him and blaming me for the way my daughter has said she doesn’t want to see him, iv got everything in emails and my solicitor has got the copy’s of the messages and also the contact details I provided him time and time again x

OP posts:

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 13/01/2019 19:45

Seems like you've done all the right things. Block him on your new number, so he can't pester you. Let him email and only read when you are feeling strong. He's just trying to get control back, as your family and friends have said.

Just wait it out. Hopefully he'll get bored of bating you if he gets no response.

Original poster

Stacy88 · 13/01/2019 21:33

Thank you for all your advice xx

OP posts:

WhoKnewBeefStew · 13/01/2019 21:38

As others have said. Block him on everything and anything you get from him send to your solicitor. If you need to respond do it via a solicitor.

Let him take you to court if he wants to but I suspect he’s just saying it to try and yank your chain

Allalittlebitshit2019 · 13/01/2019 21:44

Have you kept a record of all the times hes let her down? This is a must have as it will clearly outline this to the judge if he does in deed take you to court. He will have to to take you to mediation first and then get a miams if he wants to take it to court. Iv been to court regarding our children 4 times for similar things to what your saying. Please dont worry, hes probably all hot air. But if hes not and he does then you need to show the evidence that you have tried to facilitate contact, hence the diary/calendar.

Original poster

Stacy88 · 13/01/2019 22:23

Yes iv kept every message,emails. the contact days that I set up it got to a point where I done a Calendar on a big piece of paper stuck it on my kitchen door and my daughter ticked and crossed off when he showed up and didn’t which iv also showed my solicitor.

OP posts:

twilightsaga · 14/01/2019 08:10

Let him go to court. You can evidence you've tried and he's let her down and she's 10 and is refusing to go. He should be trying to rebuild the relationship. Don't know what he thinks he will achieve by going to court so I'd call his bluff and say go ahead. Send an email back starting that you are not blocking contact however his failure to show up repeatedly has affected your daughter and she is refusing to come. Keep all correspondence on email not phone so you have proof

Original poster

Stacy88 · 14/01/2019 17:08

Thank you again for all your responses, I’ll jeep you updated xx

OP posts:

SandyY2K · 14/01/2019 23:05

I'm astounded you wanted to bribe your DD to see him. Respect her wishes...he's been a poor father and she is clever enough to see that.

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