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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Long-ago abusive relationship elbowing its way into my brain again...

3 replies

WhatWouldStevieNicksDo · 13/01/2019 15:50

NC because this feels extra sensitive...

About 9 years ago I was in a (relatively) brief abusive relationship – about a year long.

I've never told anyone what happened within that relationship, and in fact very few people in my life even knew I was with the man in question. He was physically, emotionally and sexually abusive, and drove my confidence to a very low point. I find it hard to believe that I stayed as long as I did.

He and I parted ways, he came to my house and raped me once after we broke up, and then tried to contact me again via Facebook a few times, but I never responded. Since then I've had two more relationships and have hardly thought about him.

But over the past year or so it's come back into my mind a LOT.

I've had bad dreams about him, tiny flashbacks during the day at odd moments, and have even looked him up on social media, just to see what he's doing now.

I feel like there's some things there that need to be processed, and that actually just the act of saying what happened out loud might help. But it also feels like it was so long ago... I'm in a happy relationship now, and it doesn't seem to have any other impact on my life, other than these little flashes...

Has anyone else had an experience like this? Are these just memories resurfacing or should I be taking them more seriously?

OP posts:
Lozzerbmc · 13/01/2019 18:54

How awful for you. It sounds like you havent quite dealt with everything i would suggest some counselling as it will help you process it. Wishing you well

Swimminguphill · 13/01/2019 18:59

I look up my abusive ex of about 20 years ago about once a year. For a long time I was hoping he had died brutally. Luckily (for everyone) he doesn’t really have a digital footprint. I only do it when I am feeling low or triggered by something. I think it’s important for me that I try and gently let it go - still working on it! However I did have about 2 years of intensive counselling a few years after we broke up. Have you done that? Also I’m so sorry for what he did to you OP. You didn’t deserve that Flowers

mooncuplanding · 13/01/2019 19:01

I feel like there's some things there that need to be processed, and that actually just the act of saying what happened out loud might help.

I think you are right

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